- Islamic Education / Children education in Islam
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- Chidren education 2008
Man is the utmost creature:
It is a matter of fact that man is the utmost creature, so we should bear this fact in mind. If man realizes that he is the utmost creature who is supposed to believe in Allah and fulfill the purpose of his existence, he will surpass angels in his rank in Allah's Sight. It was said, "You think you are a very small creature, whereas the whole world is unfolded within you". Also, it was said, "Whoever knows Himself, knows his Lord".
In some cases man is unaware of his true nature. It was said "Some people have Islamic knowledge, and they realize that; those are knowledgeable ones, so follow them. Some people do not have knowledge, and they realize that they are not knowledgeable; those are ignorant, so teach them. Others have no knowledge, but they do not realize that they are ignorant; those are but devils, so avoid them."
Once you know that you are the utmost creature, that Allah the Almighty created you to be admitted in Paradise that is as wide as the heavens and the earth and that no matter how vast the worldly life may look like it is worthless, you will realize that Allah the Almighty refuses to grant the gains of the worldly life as a reward to anyone or to withdraw its gains from anyone as a punishment since it does not deserve to be treated as a reward or a punishment.
We should make out interests Hereafter-oriented:
Dear brother, once you make your interests Hereafter-oriented rather than worldly-oriented, you are setting your feet on the path towards the Hereafter. I would like to tell you something very important: if the standards of your actions and deeds are not Hereafter–oriented, your faith is not complete. In other words, if your standards are not in harmony with your Fitrah, which is part of man even before he believes in Allah, then there is something wrong with your faith. Regarding this point, whenever the word mankind is mentioned in the Quran without being preceded by any article, then it refers to mankind before knowing Allah. Here are some Ayat:
(Verily, man (disbeliever) was created very impatient* Irritable (discontented) when evil touches him* And niggardly when good touches him* Except those devoted to Salat (prayers).)
(Allah wishes to lighten (the burden) for you; and man was created weak (cannot be patient to leave sexual intercourse with woman).)
(And man invokes (Allah) for evil as he invokes (Allah) for good and man is ever hasty [i.e., if he is angry with somebody, he invokes (saying): "O Allah! Curse him, etc." and that one should not do, but one should be patient].)
I repeat whenever the word Insan (mankind) is mentioned in the Quran preceded with no article, it refers to mankind before getting acquainted with Allah. In this state, man is happy with taking from sh3er, but after he knows Allah, he is happy with giving and being generous to sh3er, which means that the standard itself changes. Before knowing Allah, man thinks that exploiting sh3er' efforts is intelligence, but after knowing Him he becomes at the service of sh3er. Also, before knowing Allah, man thinks that money is everything, but after knowing Him he believes that money is not everything.
Pay attention to these words: If your standards do not change after believing in the Hereafter, be pretty sure that your faith is not complete, and you should reconsider your beliefs.
The greatest deed ever is raising children:
When you make your interests Hereafter-oriented, you will realize how important it is to raise your children, and you will understand well the meaning of the following Ayah:
(And those who believe and whose offspring follow them in Faith, to them shall We join their offspring, and We shall not decrease the reward of their deeds in anything)
Once you believe in the Hereafter, you will see that raising your children is the best of deeds you ever do, that your offspring is an extension of you and that the deeds of your children and their offspring will be added to your record in the Hereafter.
(And those who believe and whose offspring follow them in Faith, to them shall We join their offspring, and We shall not decrease the reward of their deeds in anything)
The real success is to believe in the Hereafter, work for it, make your concerns Hereafter-oriented and know the purpose of your existence in this world. Why do you think you have been created in this world? You have been created in this world in order to strive to know Allah, to abide by His Method and to be benevolent to His Creations. Hence, knowing Allah, acting upon His Order and being benevolent to sh3er are the price man pays to be admitted to Paradise that is as wide as the heavens and the earth. It is as the Prophet PBUH described in the following Hadith:
((Abu Hurairah reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "Allah has said: 'I have prepared for My righteous servants what no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no heart has conceived.'"))
Whoever feels that his child is a burden will lose him unintentionally:
Frankly, raising a child will be a big burden should you not believe in the Hereafter, and you will prefer to keep him away from you. In fact the child needs care, protection, education, instructing, patience and following up.
If you go for a picnic accompanying your child with you, he will be a burden on you, because you should watch him all the time in order not to hurt himself, and so you will wish you have kept him at home. Most parents feel that children are a burden, so they neglect their children, but when they grow up, the parents will realize that they have lost their children. When the parents neglect their children, the latter will spend most of their time with their friends, learning from them bad habits, deviated manners, bad words and things that do not please Allah. Ultimately, the parents will find out that their children have gone astray and that they have adopted wrong attitude and behavior, and so they need to be rehabilitated, but it will be too late, and so it will not work.
I will never forget what one of the Du'aat (Islamic missioner) who was certified in leadership once advised us. He said, "All the noble traits you wish your child has, such as discipline, honesty, trustworthiness, cleanliness, and taking good care of belongings, should be implanted in the kids from first year till the seventh year. After the age of seven, it will be too late to achieve that." Most fathers including the good ones (in some cases) do not have time to sit with their children in the early stages of their life forgetting about raising them properly in these early years.
The reward of raising our children properly:
Believe me dear brother, the righteous child would bring incredible joy, content and happiness to his father. Since raising children to be righteous is a hard job, Allah rewards parents for this great task in the worldly life before rewarding them in the Hereafter. This reward is making children the apples of their parents' eyes. This is indicated in the following Ayah:
("Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqun" (pious)
I started this lecture saying that you will never appreciate the value of raising your children unless you believe in the Hereafter, and unless you realize your son is your extension. I keep repeating that man has been molded to love his existence, safety, perfection and the continuity of his existence. Your safety is gained by following the Divine Instructions of your Creator, such as being honest and refraining from lying, being trustworthy and abstaining from betrayal, being merciful and avoiding mercilessness to creations and giving everyone his right upon you. Actually by following the instructions of the Creator you guarantee your safety, while performing good deeds brings you happiness.
(So whoever hopes for the Meeting with his Lord, let him work righteousness)
As for the extension and continuation of your existence, they are achieved by raising your children properly. I would like to tell you a story that happened 20 years ago, but I can never forget it. One of the Khutaba' of Umayyad Masjid passed away, and the condolences were offered in the Masjid. On the third day, his son delivered a speech, and believe it or not dear brother, when I was listening to him, I wept as I thought to myself that this Khatib (a person who delivers the sermon (Khuṭbah) (literally "narration"), during the Friday prayer and Eid prayers. The Khatib (the plural is Khutaba') is usually the Imam (prayer leader), but the two roles can be played by different people) did not die as long as his son was his continuity.
Man's continuity is achieved by raising his children properly:
Deep inside yourself you yearn to live long due to your nature. However, true happiness is gained by knowing Allah and acting upon His Order, because this lets man be admitted to Paradise for eternity.
As for maintaining the continuity of man's existence in the worldly life, it is achieved by believing in the Hereafter and by raising children according to the Islamic teachings. In other words, when man passes away, and he leaves behind righteous and believing children who are used to perform good deeds, people will keep remembering him and making Du'a to him for raising his children properly. I said previously that man is molded to be keen on the continuity of his existence which is achieved by believing in the Hereafter and raising children according to Islamic teachings.
The most miserable is the one whose children are not as he wishes:
I repeat again: we cannot appreciate the value of raising good children unless we believe in the Hereafter, and unless we believe that all our offspring's good deeds, great achievements, Sadaqah, acts of worship will be added to our record. Once I was invited to a conference in the US, and during it, one of the scholars delivered a speech, and one of the statements that he stated was, "If you do not guarantee that your great grandchild is a Muslim, then you should not live in here." I liked this statement and I quoted it on different occasions. Once a conference was held in Damascus for 100 physicians who came from Detroit to attend it, and during that period, a physician invited me to attend his daughter's wedding and asked me to say few words for the couple, so I quoted that scholar's words since all the physicians used to live in America. I said, "If you do not guarantee that the great grand-child is a Muslim, then you should not live in the USA." At the end of the ceremony, a physician approached me with tears in his eye, and he said to me, "You have just said that if you do not guarantee that your great grand-child is a Muslim, you should not live stay in America. Unfortunately my own son is not a Muslim. He is from my flesh and blood, but he is not a Muslim."
While President B. Clinton was at the office I used to deliver speeches for Muslims who lived there and once I said, "If you occupy a high position like the one of President Clinton, if you have the wealth of Onassis, and if you have the knowledge of Einstein, but your son is not as you wish, then you are the most miserable man." By Allah dear brother, whatever I say is from the bottom of my heart, and so I repeat: If you occupy a high position like the one of President Clinton, if you have the wealth of Onassis, and if you have the knowledge of Einstein, but your son is not as you wish, then you are the most miserable man on earth." If you want to gain the real happiness, and if you want to seek your safety, then raise your children properly, and do not make excuses saying you have no time for them, because Allah never accepts such an excuse. Bearn in mind, if you do not guarantee that the third generation of your offspring are Muslims, and if your son is not as you wish, you are the most miserable man.
As I said earlier, believing in the Hereafter makes you know the value of raising your children according to the Islamic teachings in the sense that you will keep in mind that their deeds, actions, marriage and their children's good deeds will be added to your record.
The everlasting true success is knowing Allah:
Dear brother, let me tell you this fact which I always refer to in all my lessons since I deeply believe in it. Partial success does not exist; success should be total, lest it is not considered success.
The man who succeeds in collecting money, while his children deviate from Allah's Method is not considered a successful man. Also, the father who travels abroad to make money at the expense of raising his children properly, he is not successful man even if he gets beck with a huge amount of money. This is what I mean when I say that success should be total not partial; otherwise it is not considered success. Man achieves success in four domains, and the ultimate, greatest and everlasting success ever is knowing Allah the Almighty.
((O son of Adam, if you seek me, you will find me, and when you find me you find everything, but when you lose me you lose everything, and I should be adored by you more than everything))
The utmost success a woman can achieve is getting married to a righteous husband, since marriage is a major event in the woman's life, but it is not the case in man's life, because man has other domains in which he may succeed, such as in his job or study. Actually all sorts of success are considered success, but the essence of success is to get acquainted with Allah.
If a house is equipped with all electronics, like the fridge, the washing machine, the fan and other electronics, but it has no power, then all these electronics are worthless. Much in the same line, man's marital bliss, man's mission in raising his children properly, man's success at work cannot be achieved without knowing Allah. Pay attention to the following delicate Ayah, please:
(Say (O Muhammad PBUH): "Shall We tell you the greatest losers in respect of (their) deeds?* "Those whose efforts have been wasted in this life while they thought that they were acquiring good by their deeds!)
Kinds of people in Allah's Sight:
I started this lesson with a delicate fact; if you truly believe in the Hereafter, you will gain endless happiness, but if you do not you are included in the following Ayah:
(And verily, those who believe not in the Hereafter are indeed deviating far astray from the Path (true religion Islamic Monotheism).)
People in the five continents are classified according to many categories. The 6.000 million are classified into people in the north, people in the south and so on. People in the north are 20% of the whole population on earth, and they own 80% of natural treasures, while people in the south are 80% of the whole population, and they own 20% of the natural treasures. Other categories of people include the race, ethnicity, color, social status, economic status, and other innumerous categories which are meaningless in Allah's Sight, because man according to Him is of two kinds. They are as follows:
The 1st kind includes whoever believes in Allah and acts upon His Order:
The first kind of mankind includes whoever believes in Allah, knows Him, acts upon His Order, and is benevolent to Allah's Creations. As a result, he is safe (from Allah's Punishment) and pleased in the worldly life and in the Hereafter.
The 2nd kind includes whoever is heedless of Allah and deviates from His Order:
The second kind of mankind includes whoever is oblivious to Allah, and he deviates from His Order, and he does harm to His Creations. As a result he is doomed and miserable in the worldly life and the Hereafter.
Man follows either the Prophets or the Powerful:
There is no other third kind of people in the Noble Quran, and you can check by yourself. Allah the Almighty says:
(As for him who gives (in charity) and keeps his duty to Allah and fears Him* And believes in Al-Husna)
Due to Allah's Wisdom the order is reversed (Allah mentions giving Sadaqah before believing in Al-Husna):
(And believes in Al-Husna)
Al-Husna is Paradise.
(For those who have done good is the best (reward, i.e. Paradise) and even more (i.e. having the honour of glancing at the Countenance of Allah)
This means due to the belief that man is created to be admitted to Paradise, he refrains from disobeying Allah, he keeps steadfast and he builds his life on giving people rather than taking from them. In brief, the believer believes that he is created to be admitted to Paradise, so he avoids disobeying Allah, and he builds his life on giving. Unlike him, the disbeliever is described as follows:
(But he who is greedy miser and thinks himself self-sufficient)
This means the disbeliever builds his life on taking from sh3er, because he thinks he is self-reliant, and he denies Paradise. Let me repeat the two types of people mentioned in this Ayah: The first type includes whoever believes in Paradise, refrains from disobeying Allah and builds his life on giving sh3er, while the second type includes whoever denies Paradise, dispenses with Allah and builds his life on taking from sh3er.
In fact man is either a follower of the Prophets, peace be upon them, or a follower of the powerful. The Prophets, peace be upon them, won the hearts of people, whereas the powerful control people, the Prophets, peace be upon them, gave people, while the powerful take from them and the Prophets, peace be upon them, lived to serve people, whereas the powerful live at the expense of people.
Whoever believes in this world only does not need to have children:
Dear brother, we cannot understand how great and valuable children upbringing in Islam is and how great its reward is unless we believe in the Hereafter. Thus, if you believe in this world only, you do not need to have any children. A relative of mine visited his brother who lives in America, and one day they visited his neighbor who is American. The brother noticed baby clothes were being dried, so he asked that neighbor, "How many children have you got?" The man answered, "I have none. These clothes are for my dogs." Well, if man denies the Hereafter, he does not need to have children, because he will consider them a heavy load. There are scary cases in the west about careless parents. A reckless mother in the west left her children alone at home till they died. Hence, whoever believes in the worldly life only considers children a burden, so he believes that he does not need them in his life.
One of the Prophet's (PBUH) companions had a cute and handsome little son, and because the father was so attached to him, he used to carry him on his shoulder wherever he went. I would like you to pay attention to one of the noble stances of the Prophet PBUH which was manifested towards that companion in the following Hadith:
Al-Bayhaqi has reported that whenever the Prophet PBUH sat, a number of his companions would sit around him, and among them was a father who had with him a small boy who used to come to him from behind, so he would seat him in front of him, till the child died, whereupon the man stopped going to the circle which he used to attend due to his sadness and grief.
He was missed by the Prophet PBUH who said, "Why do I not see so-and-so?" They said, "O Messenger of Allah! His son whom you had seen has died, so he now is too grieving over him to attend."
The Prophet PBUH met him and asked him about his son. He told the Prophet PBUH about his son's demise, so the Prophet PBUH offered his condolences to him then said, "O so-and-so! Which is dearer to you: That you enjoy him during your life or you come tomorrow to one of the gates of Paradise where you will find him there ready to open it for you?"
The man said, "O Prophet of Allah! No, indeed, I prefer he beats me to the gate of Paradise which is dearer to me." The Prophet PBUH said, "You shall have that."
This can be achieved by raising a righteous, an obedient and a kind son who serves other people and helps his father till the last day of his life.
A believer's dead child will be waiting for him in Paradise:
One of our brother in faith who lives in France told me that once a French woman came to him at the Islamic centre with her daughter. She asked the scholars there, "May you convince my daughter to embrace Islam?" They said, "How about you?" She said, "I do not want to embrace Islam. I just want my daughter to do so." They were astonished at her request, because since she wanted her daughter to embrace Islam, she was convinced that it is a great religion. They asked about the reason behind her request, and she answered, "I have a Muslim neighbor, and I see with my own eyes how caring and compassionate the daughters are to their mother although she is old, so I want my daughter to be like them and treat me the same way."
I would like to repeat what the Prophet PBUH said to that companion:
((O so-and-so! Which is dearer to you: That you enjoy him during your life or you come tomorrow to one of the gates of Paradise where you will find him there ready to open it for you?"
The man said, "O Prophet of Allah! No, indeed, I prefer he beats me to the gate of Paradise which is dearer to me." The Prophet PBUH said, "You shall have that."))
Whoever is righteous and his child dies, the child will beat the father to Paradise and will open the gates of Paradise to his father.
A believing child is the main cause of the father's happiness:
A well raised child would be priceless in the light of believing in the Hereafter. Also he is considered the main cause of his father's happiness. He will add good deeds to his father's as long as he performs good deeds, he is committed to Allah's Orders and Prohibitions and he pays Sadaqah; all these will be recorded in his record in the Hereafter since he is the one who brings him up.
(And that man can have nothing but what he does (good or bad),)
The scholars of the Hanafi School of Thoughts said that Hajj cannot be performed on behalf of the deceased unless the latter writes who can perform it in a will. However, the son is an exception; he can perform Hajj instead of his father even if the latter does not mention that in his will. Hence, this Hajj will be accepted since it is performed by the son who is raised according to Islamic teachings. This point indicates that the son plays a key role in his father's life.
As I said previously, the father who believes in this life only and denies the Hereafter prefers to raise dogs, while the one who believes in the Hereafter, raises his son properly to ensure the continuity of his existence as his son will preserve his good reputation, and people will make Du'a for the father thanking him for his great upbringing. If this son gets married, and he has children and grandchildren, all the good deeds of this big family will be added to the father's record. One of the scholars of the Noble Quran once told me that he had 38 grandchildren, thirteen of them were doctors, and the other thirteen have memorized the Nobel Quran, and this big family is the fruit of marriage. Actually, when you raise children properly seeking by that Allah's Countenance and the Hereafter, you will be pleased with them, but if you do not believe in the Hereafter, you will find children upbringing a very hard task.
Success should be comprehensive:
Dear brother, there is one last point left in this lesson, and it is about the types of education. There are moral education, psychological education, social education, physical education, scientific education and sexual education. Before I proceed with these types I would like to mention the prerequisites of the total success.
1- Knowing Allah the Almighty:
I told you previously that success can never be partial, and the first perquisite to achieve it is to know Allah.
2- Having a good relationship with your family in all aspects:
The second prerequisite is to establish a good relationship with your wife, children and other people around you, such as your brother, sisters, aunts (the paternal and maternal), uncles (the paternal and maternal). In other words, you should have a good relationship with your family and relatives.
3- Performing your job perfectly and being committed to it:
The third prerequisite is to perfect your job, be committed to it and develop it, so that you can make lawful money.
4- Taking good care of your health:
The fourth prerequisite is to take care of your health.
My advice to you is to establish a close relationship with Allah:
(So Fear Allah and mend all matters of differences among you.)
The meaning of "mend all matters of differences among you" is to fix your relationship with Allah, to fix your relationship with those around you and to fix the relationship between every two persons. Hence, the most important relationship that is to be fixed is the one between you and Allah, then the relationship between you and your family and relatives, and finally the relationship between every two persons.
I would like to repeat the four prerequisites of your success. The first one is to establish a successful relationship with Allah, to have a good relationship with your wife and family, to perfect your job and be loyal to it and finally to take care of your health.
The successful upbringing is the comprehensive one:
Success is manifested in the proper upbringing of children. Accordingly, the father who raises his child to acquire a high scientific degree, but he neglects teaching him to perform Salah does not succeed in upbringing his child, and the father who teaches his child to be intelligent, but the latter turns to be immoral does not succeed in raising his child. Also, if the child is moral but is lazy at school, his father is not considered a successful educator, and if the child is moral and excellent at school, but he does not care about his appearance or his hygiene, his father is not considered a successful father. If you are keen on achieving success in all the domains of your life, your upbringing of your child should be comprehensive.
Every man should be keen on the religious educating of his children:
The topic of our next lesson is the religious education of children, but I would like to give you few hints about it, so I would like to start with this Hadith:
((It is sufficient sin for a man that he neglects him whom he maintains.))
This father meets the basic needs of his child, such as food, drink and clothes, and he cares about his health and studies, but he does not care about teaching him to perform good deeds, and he does not care about his ritual acts of worship, so he is sinful towards his child.
((It is sufficient sin for a man that he neglects him whom he maintains.))
Such a father provides his child with the basic needs such as food, drink, clothes and education, but he does not care whether his child performs Salah or not or whether he has sound Aqeedah or not. Sometimes the child befriends an atheist, and the latter succeeds in convincing him with his corrupted beliefs till the child denies religion. By Allah the only Deity, sometimes a father comes to me complaining against his son who is not a believer, and his heart is about to melt out of agony. Once a father came to me, and he said, "My son converted to another religion rather than Islam." He was dying out of pain.
((It is sufficient sin for a man that he neglects him whom he maintains.))
If you want to raise your children properly, you should start with educating him religiously. Ali, may Allah be pleased with him said, "Do not raise your children the way your parents raised you, because they were born for a different time." The Prophet PBUH said:
((Train your children in three things: the love of your Prophet, the love of his progeny, i.e. Ahlul Bayt, and recitation of the Qur'an.))
Bear in mind that what is bred in the bone will come out in the flesh, so if you allow your child to stay for a long time watching football matches and series, all he will care about is following the news of football players and artists, and the TV screen will be the main source of his information. As a result, the main subject of his conversations and discussions with other people will be artists and football players. Will he talk about the companions? Of course, he will not, because he has no idea about them since he has not been educated religiously, and all he cares about is insignificant.
As a father you are supposed to educate your child religiously, so you should teach him the Noble Quran, the biography of the companions and the Tabi'een (they are the generation of Muslims who were born after the passing of the Prophet Muhammad but who were contemporaries of the Sahaba "companions") and so on. Neglecting this kind of education is a serious problem, since it is the most import type of education in man's life.
Everyone should educate his child a comprehensive education:
In addition to the religious education, the father is supposed to educate his child morally. He should teache him trustworthiness, politeness, modesty and humbleness.
((The Prophet PBUH saw two men. He addressed the younger of them, "Who is this man to you?" The younger one said, "This is my father." The Prophet PBUH said to him, "If this is your father, "Do not walk before him, do not sit before him, do not call him by his bare name and never provoke people to curse him." [Meaning that he {the father} should sit first {before the son} and the latter should walk before the former as a sign of respect.]))
Besides the religious and moral education, the father should educate his son a psychological education, so he teaches him patience, tolerance, forbearance, kindness, managing one's anger, and verifying things. Furthermore, the father should educate his son a social education, such as teaching him to greet sh3er, to respect them, to apologize if he wrongs them, to be humble to them and to be cooperative to sh3er. As for the physical education, it is about teaching the son to eat moderately and to play sports to build his body physically. Concerning the scientific education, it is about teaching the child to work hard to complete his studies, to acquire a scientific degree and to excel in his major.
The sexual education should be included as well although the father may get confused upon being asked certain questions by his child, such as asking him where he comes from. There are nice and delicate answers to such a question, so you should look for them and refer to them to avoid embarrassment. The child has the right to know the answer to such a question, so the father should not hush him or hit him, because he will make the child more curious and more persistent in knowing the answer. You should not suppress your child if he asks questions like this.
I would like to repeat the types of education every parent should teach his child: there are sexual education, scientific education, physical education, social education, psychological education, moral education and religious education. We will go into details with these types in the coming lessons insha Allah (if Allah wills).
