Dear believing brother, we are still discussing the Prophetic Sunnah, and we are tackling the duties and rights. We spent two lectures or more talking about the husband's rights upon his wife and the wife's rights upon her husband. Today we will move to the rights of the parents upon their children, and after that, we will deal with the rights of the children upon their parents
The concepts of justice and Ihsan (dutifulness):
The Almighty Allah says:
﴾ Verily, Allah enjoins Al-Adl (i.e. justice and worshipping none but Allah Alone - Islamic Monotheism) and Al-Ihsan [i.e. to be patient in performing your duties to Allah, totally for Allah's sake and in accordance with the Sunnah (legal ways) of the Prophet, peace be upon him, in a perfect manner] ﴿
Pay attention to the fact that justice is compulsory whereas Ihsan is voluntary. Fulfilling sh3er' rights is obligatory upon you as a believer. However, you can be Mohsen (generous) willingly seeking by that drawing closer to the Almighty Allah. In other words, when we talk about rights and duties, we refer to an obligatory matter not a voluntary one. Nevertheless, the believer is demanded (by Allah) to be Mohsen the same way he is ordered to be just
In order to clarify the difference between justice and Ihsan, consider the example of a commodity that is sold according to Shari'ah rulings; both parties (the seller and the buyer) accepts the terms and conditions of the bargain at the presence of the witnesses. Also, the price should be paid and the commodity should be delivered. This selling will be binding on both parties, so if one of the two parties refuses to pay the rest of the money and the other party goes to the judge and files a lawsuit against him, the judge will oblige the other party to pay the full price. This is how justice can be manifested. Nonetheless, if the buyer comes to the seller and begs him to cancel the bargain after explaining his reasons, and the seller accepts, given no harm will affect his business, this will be Ihsan.
﴾ Verily, Allah enjoins Al-Adl (i.e. justice and worshipping none but Allah Alone - Islamic Monotheism) and Al-Ihsan [i.e. to be patient in performing your duties to Allah, totally for Allah's sake and in accordance with the Sunnah (legal ways) of the Prophet, peace be upon him, in a perfect manner]. ﴿
Hence, when disagreements amongst people are not solved according to justice laws, they might be solved according to Ihsan rulings, especially the conflicts between the husband and wife, two neighbors, two brother or two partners. Therefore, problems among people can be solved either by justice laws, which are blessed, or by Ihsan rulings, given the latter can solve what the laws of justice fail to solve. Thus, if people apply the following Ayah, the Palace of Justice will close its gates:
﴾ Verily, Allah enjoins Al-Adl (i.e. justice and worshipping none but Allah Alone - Islamic Monotheism) and Al-Ihsan [i.e. to be patient in performing your duties to Allah, totally for Allah's sake and in accordance with the Sunnah (legal ways) of the Prophet, peace be upon him, in a perfect manner]. ﴿
Hence, when justice cannot solve a problem, Ihsan will solve it, and keep in mind that establishing justice is compulsory while applying Ihsan is voluntary.
Justice and the fulfillment of rights:
This lecture and the ones before and the ones to come are all about justice and fulfilling rights which is an obligation. Narrated Amr Ibn Kharijah: The Prophet, peace be upon him, delivered a sermon in which he said:
((Allah has appointed for everyone who has a right what is due to him, and no bequest must be made to an heir.))
[ Hadith Hasan by At-Tirmizi and An-Nasa'i ]
The path to reach Allah is blocked unless you give everyone his right. Furthermore, you will not feel that Allah is pleased with you unless you do so. Your wife, mother, brother, sister, son, daughter, neighbor and whoever is close to you have rights upon you. Everyone will be reckoned for his friendship with sh3er even if it lasts only for one hour.
The rights of parents upon their children:
Dear brothers, we are discussing the Prophetic Sunnah, and our topic revolves around the rights of the parents upon their children, but since there is an Ayah in the Noble Quran which refers to the parents' rights upon their children, I am obliged to start with it. Allah says:
﴾ And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. ﴿
The meanings of the word "Qada" in the Noble Quran:
What does the Arabic word "Qada" mean? Explaining the meaning of this word indicates a very delicate fact: many words in the Noble Quran might bear several meanings according to the context of the Ayah. For example, the word Qada is mentioned in different Ayat and has different meanings:
﴾ And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. ﴿
Qada here means has ordered; Allah has ordered man to worship Him Alone and to be dutiful to his parents. In another Ayah, Allah says:
﴾ Then He completed and finished from their creation (as) seven heavens in two Days. ﴿
Qada here means has created. In another Ayah, Allah says:
﴾ So decree whatever you desire to decree, for you can only decree (regarding) this life of the world. ﴿
Qada here means to pass a judgment.
﴾ Thus is the case judged concerning which you both did inquire." ﴿
Qada here means that the case was closed.
﴾ When He decrees a thing, He only says to it, "Be!" and it is. ﴿
Qada here means decrees.
﴾ And you (O Muhammad, peace be upon him) were not on the western side (of the Mount), when We made clear to Musa (Moses) the commandment, and you were not among those present. ﴿
Qada here means was assigned; Allah assigned Musa to do certain tasks. Accordingly, the word Qada has different meanings as aforementioned, so it is naivety to believe that the word in the Quran has only one meaning in every context, for the Quran is eloquent and only the context of the Ayah defines the meaning of the words.
The parallel structure of the conjunctional parts of the Ayah:
﴾ And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. ﴿
The parallel structure of the conjunctional parts of the sentence that is mentioned in this Ayah is amazing. How can we make this parallel structure in sentences? We can do that when we say, for instance, I bought a land and a house, I bought a Yacht and a vehicle or I bought a useful book and a good volume. In these examples, the word that precedes the coordinating conjunction has the same part of speech (it is a noun) and the same importance of the word which follows it. It is the same in Arabic, Arabs usually do not use conjunctions to connected two different things in nature. It is impossible to say, "I bought a land and a spoon." Using the conjunctions to connect words or sentences like that is very rare and informal.
It is also informal to say, "I bought a luxurious house and a knife". There is no harmony in the nature of the two things. Hence, when Allah uses the coordinating conjunction and to connect worshiping Him Alone with being dutiful to parents indicates how important and crucial it is =to be dutiful to our parents:
﴾ And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. ﴿
In another Ayah, Allah says:
﴾ He will guide them and set right their state. ﴿
"Set right their state" means granting them peace of mind, tranquility, content and submission to the Almighty Allah. The peace of mind can be manifested in the household that has no problems and is full of peacefulness, affection and love. Allah puts restfulness at the same level of guidance in the previous Ayah by connecting them using the coordinating conjunction and
﴾ He will guide them and set right their state. ﴿
The conjunction entails a harmony between the two connected parts of the sentence. Thus, when Allah uses and to connect worshiping Him with being dutiful to the parents, this means that the latter is a very crucial matter which is at the same level of worshiping the Almighty Allah.
I would like to refer to one more thing regarding the rights of parents upon their children. In another Ayah, the Almighty Allah says:
﴾ Give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination. ﴿
Deducing a ruling from an Ayah entails repeating its content (in different Suwar). If connecting worshiping Allah with being dutiful to the parents had been mentioned only in one Ayah, we would never have been able to believe that this is a ruling. However, when we notice that in another Ayah, the Almighty Allah connects being thankful to Him with being thankful to the parents, we conclude that the repeated use of the conjunctional structures indicates that there is a constant ruling in this respect. The ruling is that being dutiful to the parents is almost as important as worshiping the Almighty Allah:
﴾ Give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination. ﴿
(( It is narrated in Sahih Al-Bukhari that Abdullah ibn Mas'ud reported: I asked, "O Messenger of Allah, which deed is best?" The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said, "Performing Salah (Prayer) in its proper time." I asked, "What is next?" The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, "Righteousness with your parents." I said, "What is next?" The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, "Struggling in the Cause of Allah." I became silent and if I had asked him more, he would have told me. ))
[ Al-Bukhari, Muslim, At-Timizi and An-Nasa'i ]
The best of deeds are performing Salah in its proper time, being dutiful to the parents and Jihad in the Cause of Allah.
The meanings of Birr Al-Walidane:
Being dutiful to parents is manifested in many ways, among which are the following:
1- Refraining from abusing one's own parents:
One should not abuse his own parents (by badmouthing them or making sh3er badmouth them)
(( It is narrated in Sahih Muslim that Abdullah bin Amr Ibn Al-Aas (may Allah be pleased with them) reported: The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, "It is one of the gravest sins to abuse one's parents." It was asked (by the people), "O Messenger of Allah, can a man abuse his own parents?" The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said, "He abuses the father of somebody who, in return, abuses the former's father; he then abuses the mother of somebody who, in return, abuses his mother". ))
[ Sahih Hadith by Al-Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawod and At-Tirmizi ]
The major sins which are forbidden in the Noble Quran:
The major sins are destructive, and whoever commits one of them will be admitted to Hellfire. Accordingly, cursing sh3er' parents is a vulgar behavior, and whoever is used to curse other people, will make sh3er curse his parents repeatedly. As I said earlier, the Prophet, peace upon him, considered cursing one's parents one of the major sins. Concerning the major sins, Abu Taleb Al-Makki, may Allah have mercy on his soul, summarized the major sins which are mentioned in the Noble Quran:
"Four of the heart: idolatry (shirk), persistent transgression (Israr), losing hope in the Mercy of Allah (Qunut) and feeling secure from the Divine Cunning (Amn min makr Allah). Four of the tongue: bearing false witness (Shahadah az-Zur), defaming a woman of good standing (Qadhf almuhsan), oaths that undermine justice (Al-yamin al-Ghamus), sorcery and black magic (Sihr), this includes all the actions and words used to change the perceptions, bewitch, beguile and harm other human beings. Three of the stomach: drinking wine and all kinds of intoxicants, unjustly eating the wealth of orphans, and consuming Riba (Calumny). Two of the private parts: fornication (Zina) and anal sex (Liwat). Two sins of the hand: murder and stealing. One of the feet: running away from the battlefield when confronted by the enemy of the Muslims. One of the entire body: disrespect for one's parents."
(( Abu Bakrah Nufai' bin Al-Harith (may Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said, "Shall I not inform you of the biggest of the major sins?" The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, asked this question thrice. We said, "Yes, O Messenger of Allah (please inform us.)". He, peace be upon him, said, "Ascribing partners to Allah, and to be undutiful to your parents". The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, sat up from his reclining position and said, "And I warn you against giving forged statement and a false testimony; I warn you against giving forged statement and a false testimony". The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, kept on repeating that warning till we wished he would stop. ))
[ Al-Bukhari, Muslim and At-Tirmizi ]
"Joining partners with Allah" is Shirk (polytheism) which embraces the hidden and the apparent Shirk. Ascribing one's hardship to such and such person by saying for example, "This person is the reason of my provision", "that person is the reason of my poverty"… and so forth, is but Shirk. The Almighty Allah says:
﴾ So invoke not with Allah another ilah (god) lest you be among those who receive punishment. ﴿
(( Abdullah bin Amr Ibn Al-Aas (may Allah be pleased with them) reported: The Prophet, peace upon him, said, "(Of the) major sins are: to ascribe partners to Allah, disobey parents, murder someone, and to take a false oath (intentionally)". ))
[ Al-Bukhari, At-Tirmizi and An-Nasa'i ]
(( "Avoid the seven destructive things." It was asked: (by those present): "What are they, O Messenger of Allah?" He, peace be upon him, replied, "Associating anyone or anything with Allah in worship; practising sorcery, killing of someone without a just cause whom Allah has forbidden, devouring the property of an orphan, eating of usury, fleeing from the battlefield and slandering chaste women who never even think of anything touching chastity and are good believers. ))
[ Hadith Sahih by An-Nasa'i, Malik, Ad-Darami, At-Tabarani, Ibn Habban, Abdul Razzaq, Al-Hakim and Ibn Khuzaimah by Amr Ibn Hazm, may Allah be pleased with him ]
Being undutiful to the parents is a major sin:
The aforementioned As7adeth, indicate the fact that being undutiful to the parents is a major sin. Allah orders you to be dutiful to your parents and puts that act on the same level of worshipping Him, and He puts thanking your parents on the same level of thanking Him. Likewise, Allah puts being undutiful to parents on the same level of Shirk, and both are two sides of the same coin. We should avoid major sins. Allah says in the following Ayah which all of you know:
﴾ If you avoid the great sins which you are forbidden to do, We shall remit from you your (small) sins, and admit you to a Noble Entrance (i.e. Paradise). ﴿
It is forbidden to be undutiful to the parents, particularly to the mother:
(( Narrated Al-Mughirah: The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, "Allah has forbidden you to be undutiful to your msh3er, to withhold (what you should give) or demand (what you do not deserve), and to bury your daughters alive. And Allah has disliked that you talk too much about sh3er, ask too many questions (in religion), or waste your property." ))
[ Hadith Sahih by Al-Bukhari, Muslim and Abu Dawod ]
This Hadith is specially meant for msh3er because of their favor upon their children.
"Withhold and demand" means to refrain from giving sh3er their rights and eating ill-gotten money. "Qeel and Qal" is an Arabic expression which means idle talk. "Asking too much" is to ask about the minute details of purposeless matters.
(( Great good tidings to him whose own faults divert him from those of others ))
[ Al-Bazzar by Anas Ibn Malik, may Allah be pleased with him ]
"Wasting property" means to spend the money extravagantly and lavishly (on permissible or impermissible matters)
Some As7adeth about the prohibition of being undutiful towards parents:
((It was narrated from Salim bin 'Abdullah Ibn Umar that his father said: "The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said: "There are three at whom Allah will not look on the Day of Resurrection: The one who disobeys his parents, the woman who imitates men in her outward appearance, and the one who reminds people of what he has given them. And there are three who will not enter Paradise: The one who disobeys his parents, the addicted to alcoholic beverages, and the cuckold (insulting word for a man whose wife has affair with another man)."' ))
[ Al-Bazzar in his Musnad and other trusted narrators ]
((It was narrated from Salim bin 'Abdullah Ibn Umar that his father said: "The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said: "There are three at whom Allah will not look on the Day of Resurrection: … ))
The severest punishment on the Day of Resurrection is to be deprived of looking at the honored Face of Allah. The proof is in the following Ayah:
﴾ Nay! Surely, they (evil-doers) will be veiled from seeing their Lord that Day. ﴿
(( It was narrated from Salim bin 'Abdullah Ibn Umar that his father said: "The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said: "There are three at whom Allah will not look on the Day of Resurrection: The one who disobeys his parents, the woman who imitates men in her outward appearance, and the one who reminds people of what he has given them. And there are three who will not enter Paradise: The one who disobeys his parents, the addicted to alcoholic beverages, and the cuckold (Rajilah) (insulting word for a man whose wife has affair with another man)."' ))
[ Al-Bazzar in his Musnad and other trusted narrators ]
The Rajilah woman is the mannish woman who acts and behaves like men, namely, the lascivious. The As7adeth in which the grave nature of being undutiful to parents is mentioned are uncountable:
(( Four types of people are such that Allah will not admit them into paradise nor will they be allowed to taste its bounties. They are: one addicted to wine, one who devours interest, one who devours the wealth of the orphan without any right and one who is disobedient to his parents. ))
[ Hadith Sahih by Ibn Habban and Al-Hakim narrated by Abi Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him ]
(( The undutiful son will be addressed as follows: 'Do whatever you like, for Allah has ordained that you will not be forgiven" ))
(( The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, "There are three sins to which the company of a good deed is to no avail: association of anything with Allah, being undutiful to one's parents and fleeing from the midst of a battle. ))
[ At-Tabarani by Thawban, may Allah be pleased with him ]
It was reported that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said:
(( There are three people from whom Allah will accept neither repentance nor a ransom on the Day of Resurrection: those who are damned by their parents; those who mention their favors; those who deny predestination. ))
[ At-Tabarani in two Isnads in one of them a man's narration is missing and in the other one of the narrators is weak ]
All these As7adeth are about how crucial being undutiful to parents is. This matter is serious, due to the high value of the parents' rights upon their children:
﴾ And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. ﴿
Let us carry on mentioning all the related matters of being dutiful to parents:<p class="subtitle1"> 2- Abstaining from disobeying parents in permissible matters:
It is an act of disobedience to refrain from fulfilling the parents' requests if they are permissible, so it is an act of dutifulness to meet their demands. Hence, if your father asks you to do something, which Allah does not forbid, you have to obey him, unless he orders you to sin as it is mentioned in the following Shari'ah ruling:
(( There is no obedience to creation in disobedience to the Creator ))
[ At-Tabarani in Al-Awsat ]
Some rulings of dutifulness towards parents according to scholars:
Some scholars said:
- If the father orders his child to do a permissible matter, this order becomes advisable one for this child". This means that the order of the father to his child moves to the level of being advisable.
- If the father orders his child to do an advisable matter, this is but an affirmation that this order is advisable one. Accordingly, the parents will not commit a sin by preventing their child from offering Hajj, if they are afflicted with an intractable disease, and they are in dire need of their child's help. In this case, he/she should stay to serve them and can offer Hajj the next year.
The scholars approved this ruling, because Hajj can be offered Ala At-Tarakhi (Free to implement whenever as long as have intention to fulfill it) not as an immediate obligation, while sh3er said that Hajj is an immediate obligation. However, if the two parents or one of them has an intractable disease and might die in the absence of his/her child, it is preferable that the child stays with them, and they will not commit a sin by preventing him from offering Hajj.
- It is not permitted for the child to travel where perils are awaiting without their permission. If there are no awaiting perils in the travel, it is permitted for the child to travel without his parents' permission like traveling in order to seek knowledge.
- It is impermissible to the child, who is offering Salah, to break his Salah if his mother or any other person called him because the Prophet, peace be upon him, said:
(( There is no obedience to creation in disobedience to the Creator ))
[ At-Tabarani in Al-Awsat ]
If you offer your Salah in your room, while your mother or father is calling you from the other room, some scholars said that you should not break your Salah to answer them, because the right of the Almighty Allah is more evidential than the parent's right. However, some scholars prefer that he makes his Salah shorter than usual and read short Suwar like Al-Ikhlas if his parents are calling him. In case he starts a long Surah, and he continues it though they are calling him, he will be violating their rights. Hence, you should read short Suwar in your Salah in order to answer your parents' call at the right time.
- The child must break the Nafilah (voluntary) Salah if he is sure that his parents will be hurt if he does not answer their call. If your mother is bed-ridden and needs to be repositioned, her IV medicine bag should be changed or something is bothering her, and she calls you while you are offering Nafilah Salah, some scholars said that you are permitted to break your Salah and answer your mother's or father's call. However, if you are running out of time of the obligatory Salah, you should not answer their call. According to Maliki school of thought, answering your parents' call is better than going through with your Nafilah Salah
- You should break your Salah whether it is an obligatory Salah or Nafilah one if someone in danger is calling you. For instance, if you see that your son is too close to the stove, or your baby is about to fall down from the high bed and might get a concussion, it is permitted to break your Salah. Hence, in dangerous situations, one must break his Salah to help the person in danger, or the one who is about to drown or burn. Let me repeat again, you are allowed to break your Nafilah Salah in order to answer your parents' call.
Having oppressive parents does not exempt you from being dutiful:
(( Ibn Abbas narrates from the Prophet, peace be upon him, that a person whose parents are alive and he obeys them, listens to and respects them, then Allah will open two doors of Paradise for him. But, if one of his parents is not happy with him, then Allah will not be happy with him either. Then someone asked the Prophet, peace be upon him, "Even if they are oppressors?" The Prophet, peace be upon him, replied, "Yes, even if they are oppressors." ))
[ Hadeeth Mawqoof by Musdad Ibn Msarhid in his Musnad ]
The oppression here is related to worldly matters not the Hereafter's. If this oppression is related to religious matters, then: ((
(( There is no obedience to creation in disobedience to the Creator.))
[ At-Tabarani in Al-Awsat ]
However, if their oppression is related to worldly matters which can be endured by the son, he would rather not get them angry and should obey them.The mother's right is three times more than the father's:
(( Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported: A person came to Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, and asked, "Who among people is most deserving of my fine treatment?" He, peace be upon him, said, "Your mother". He again asked, "Who next?" "Your mother", the Prophet, peace be upon him, replied again. He asked, "Who next?" He (the Prophet, peace be upon him) said again, "Your mother." He again asked, "Then who?" Thereupon he, peace be upon him, said," Then your father." In another narration: "O Messenger of Allah! Who is most deserving of my fine treatment?" He, peace be upon him, said, "Your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father, then your nearest, then nearest". ))
[ Hadith Sahih by Al-Bukhari and Muslim ]
This means that the mother's right is three times more than the father's. However, Imam Malik had a different opinion. Once a man came to him and asked, "My Father is in Sudan and he wrote to me asking me to go to him, but my mother refused, so what should I do? To which Imam Malik said, "Obey your father and do not disobey your mother", which means that both of them have the same rights upon their son, while the majority of scholars considered the right of the mother three times more than the right of the father
Abu Al-Aswad Ad-Du'ali and his wife disputed over the custody of their son, so they went to the judge. The mother said, "I have the right to have him, because I bore him nine month in my womb and delivered him. Then I breastfed him, and took care of him till he became a teenager." While Abu AlAswad said, "O judge, I bore him before she did (as a sperm), and I delivered him before she did (in the intercourse), so I have the right to have him." The judge addressed the mother and asked her to defend her cause, so she said, "Yes judge, if he bore him before I did, he bore him while he is weightless sperm, but I bore him while he is a heavy fetus. Furthermore, he delivered him while he was fulfilling his sexual desire, but I did so with so much pain." The judge then looked at Abu Al-Aswad and said, "Save me your rhymed prose and give the woman her child".
After all, it seems that the mother's right is greater than the father's:
(( 'Amr bin Shu'aib on his father's authority said that his grandfather (Abdullah ibn Amr Ibn Al-Aas) reported: A woman said: "Messenger of Allah, my womb is a vessel to this son of mine, my breasts a water-skin for him, and my lap a guard for him, yet his father has divorced me, and wants to take him away from me." The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said: "You have more right to him as long as you do not marry." ))
[ Hadith Sahih by Al-Hakim in his Mustadrak ]
This means that if the mother gets married, the father has the right to the custody of the son. Scholars said, "According to Shari'ah rulings, the mother should have the custody of her child till the male reaches seven years old and the female reaches nine years old, unless the judge decides that the mother should have him/her longer, so he can extend the custody for two more years for both ( son and the daughter). This is the Shari'ah ruling
3- The good outcome of being dutiful to parents:
Abu Yahya Al-Bastami (Aref Billah [among those who know Allah] and famous scholar) one day told a story of his childhood saying that when he intended to head towards Bagdad in order to seek knowledge, he was young. His mother gave him 40 dinars, which were his inheritance from his late father, and she said to him, "Put your hand in mine and give me your pledge that you will never tell a lie in your life", so he did, and he started his journey with a caravan. On their way, a group of dacoits halted the caravan and started looting money and goods from the people. When the dacoits reached him, they asked, "O child, what is with you". He replied, "I have forty dinars." They started checking his clothes but found no pocket. The dacoits reached their leader and presented all what they looted from the caravan. They also mentioned that there was a child who said that he had forty dinars while there was no pocket in his clothes.
The leader of dacoits asked his companions to get that child to him. They went back and asked that child to follow them to their leader. When reached, the leader asked, "O child, do you have something to be looted by us." He replied, "Yes! I have forty dinars which my mother stitched in a pocket inside my clothes." The leader asked to get the dinars out. He immediately unstitched his clothes from inside and presented forty dinars to the leader of dacoits. The leader said, "O child, people hide their money and goods for their protection but you are disclosing the secret of your forty dinars to us, why?" He replied, "My mother strictly advised me not to tell a lie in life". The leader of dacoits wondered on his truth and obedience to his mother. Al-Bastami left a serious impact on the heart of the leader of the dacoits. He immediately returned that forty dinars to the child and also asked his companions to return money and goods to the concerned people in the caravan, and decided to discontinue robbery. He released all his companions and asked them to do some good job to earn right livelihood and he said, "O child, I repent to Allah because of you". The other dacoits said, "You were our leader in robbing, and now you are our leader on the Course of Allah".
4- Dutifulness towards parents has nothing to do with their religion:
There is another important point related to being dutiful to parents: scholars said that being dutiful to parents is not restricted to Muslims parents. This means that the religious son, who is committed to Masjid, should not address his non-religious father rudely nor should he mistreat him.
Dear brothers, even if the parents are Mushriks (polytheists), the children must be dutiful to them. What if they are Muslims but not committed ones? Do you have the right, as a son, to accuse their religious status? Do you have the right, as a son, to talk to them rudely? Do you have the right to be harsh with them? Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ Allah does not forbid you to deal justly and kindly with those who fought not against you on account of religion and did not drive you out of your homes. Verily, Allah loves those who deal with equity. ﴿
Since Allah does not forbid us to deal justly and kindly with those who fought against us on account of religion, then the parents are more entitled to that right.
(( Asma' bint Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (may Allah be pleased with her) said: My mother came to me while she was still a polytheist, so I asked Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, "My mother, who is ill-disposed to Islam, has come to visit me. Shall I maintain relations with her?" He, peace be upon him, replied, "Yes, maintain relations with your mother". Added to this narration that Allah revealed the following Ayah in this respect: (Allah does not forbid you to deal justly and kindly with those who fought not against you on account of religion). ))
[ Hadith Sahih by Al-Bukhari, Muslim and Abu Dawod ]
(( Narrated Abu Hurairah: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, passed by a gathering in which 'Abdullah bin Ubai bin Salul was present. When a cloud of dust raised by (the movement of) the animal covered that gathering, 'Abdullah bin Ubai bin Salul covered his nose with his garment and said, "Ibn Abu Kabsha (i.e. Muhammad, peace be upon him) covered us with dust." Abdullah the son of Abdullah bin Ubai bin Salul said, "By Allah who honored you (i.e. Muhammad, peace be upon him) and revealed the Quran to you, if you wish I will bring you his head" to which the Prophet, peace be upon him, said, "Do not do that, but be dutiful to your father and a good companion to him." ))
[ Hadith Hasan by Al-Bazzar, Ibn Habban and Al-Hakim ]
The Prophet, peace be upon him, asked the son of his fiercest enemy to be dutiful to his father. This is Islam, this is the Shari'ah rulings and this is the religion of Allah.
5- Dutifulness is more important than Al-Jihad Al-Kifa'i (which is not obligatory on every Muslim):
(( Narrated Abdullah bin Amr Ibn Al-Aas: A man came to the Prophet, peace be upon him, asking his permission to take part in Jihad. The Prophet, peace be upon him, asked him, "Are your parents alive?" He replied in the affirmative. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said to him, "Then exert yourself in their service." ))
[ Hadith Sahih by Al-Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawod, At-Tirmizi and An-Nasa'i ]
In a different narration:
(( It was narrated from 'Abdullah bin 'Amr that a man came to the Prophet, peace be upon him, and said: "I have come pledging to emigrate (Hijrah), and I have left my parents weeping." He said: "Go back to them, and make them smile as you made them weep." ))
[ Hadith Sahih by Abu Dawod and An-Nasa'i ]
You can sense the crucial nature of being dutiful to the parents from this Hadith. It was reported in the relic:
(( Staying with your parents, bringing them joy and entertainment, is better than performing Jihad with me. ))
All of these As7adeth confirm the importance of being dutiful to parents.
6- Avoid making the parents weep:
Scholars said, "Whoever makes his parents weep is undutiful to them". This is different from making them weep out of submission to and fear of Allah upon listening to a religious discussion. The weeping which is referred to in this ruling is the one that is caused by rejecting their request or refusing to fulfill their expectation. For example, when your father asks you to be good to your brother, but you break away from him, or he asks you to do something within your scope, but you let him down to such an extent that he weep, you are considered, according to scholars, undutiful towards your parents. This ruling is deduced from the following reported Hadith in the relic:
(( Ibn Umar said, "Making parents weep part of disobedience. ))
Also, it was reported in the relic:
(( One who causes his parents to become sad has indeed been disowned by them. ))
7- Keeping the ties with the parents' friends:
Keeping the ties with your parents' friends is an act of dutifulness towards your parents (after their death):
(( Narrated by Ibn Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, that he heard the Prophet, peace be upon him, saying, "The finest act of goodness is the kind treatment of a person to the loved ones of his father after his death." ))
[ Hadith Sahih by Muslim, Abu Dawod and At-Tirmizi ]
After the death of someone's father, he should keep good relations with his friends and check on his brother, sisters and relatives:
(( The finest act of goodness is the kind treatment of a person to the loved ones of his father after his death ))
Pay attention to the following Hadith, which I repeatedly mention:
(( Abu Usaid Malik bin Rabi'ah As-Sa'idi (may Allah be pleased with him) reported: We were sitting with the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, when a man of Banu Salamah came to him and asked, "O Messenger of Allah! Is there any obedience to parents left that I can show to them after their death?" He, peace be upon him, replied, "Yes, to pray for them, to supplicate for their forgiveness, to fulfill their promise es after their death, to maintain the ties of kinship which cannot be maintained except through them, and honour their friends." ))
[Hadith Sahih by Al-Hakim in His Mustadrak ]
(( Ayesha, may Allah be pleased with her, said that whenever a goat was slaughtered the Prophet, peace be upon him, would send some meat to Khadija's friends; when she remarked about this on one occasion he told her that he had great regard for her friends, as she had a special place in his heart. ))
This is how much dutiful the Prophet, peace be upon him, was towards his wife. Thus, parents are more entitled to this right.
(( Abu-Burda narrated, "I came to Madinah and Abdullah Ibn Umar came to me and said, 'Do you know why I came to you?' I said, 'No!' So he said, 'I heard the Prophet of Allah, peace be upon him, saying, 'He who wants to connect with his father in his grave then let him connect with the friends of his father after his death.' My father Umar and your father had much brotherhood and love for each other so I wanted to connect with that." ))
[ Hadith Sahih by Abu Ya'la ]
((A bedouin met 'Abdullah bin 'Umar on the way to Makkah. 'Abdullah greeted him and mounted him upon the donkey on which he had been riding and gave him the turban that he had on his head. Ibn Dinar (further) reported: "We said to him ('Abdullah bin 'Umar): 'May Allah do good to you, these are desert Arabs and they are satisfied even with meager (things).' Thereupon Abdullah said: 'His father was loved dearly by 'Umar bin Khattib, and I heard Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) as saying: 'The finest act of goodness on the part of a son is to treat kindly the loved ones of his father.' ))
[ Hadith Sahih by Muslim, Abu Dawod and At-Trimizi ]
8- Making Du'a for parents after their death:
All of you know that when man dies, his deeds come to an end except for three:
(( Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said, "When a man dies, his deeds come to an end, except for three: A continuous charity, knowledge by which people derive benefit and pious son who prays for him." ))
[ Hadith Sahih by Muslim, Abu Dawod, At-Tirmizi and An-Nasa'i ]
The child, who prays for his parent (the father and the mother), is but a continuous good deed for the father. Therefore, the right of the father is very great. Moreover, all the deeds of the child, who received religious upbringing from his late parent (the father or the mother), will be recorded in the parent's book on the Day of Resurrection. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said:
(( Pious son is man's best earning. ))
[ By At-Tabarani and in his Sanad the disagreed upon one narrator ]
As-Suyuti, who is one of the most famous scholars in categorizing the Sunnah, said some lines of poetry in which he counted the continuous Sadaqat (after one's death) which are proved and mentioned in the Prophetic Sunnah:
After man's death, he will be rewarded for 13 deeds
Knowledge he spread, Du'a made by his child,
palm trees he planted, ongoing donations he left behind
bequeathing the Quran, manning a breach of Islam,
digging a well and running a river
building a house in which strangers are hosted or Allah is remembered
and teaching the Noble Quran, so do the deeds I mentioned in my poetry,
for they are derived from Sunnah
One of the scholars was asked, "How frequently should the child make Du'a for his parents? Should he make Du'a for them once a day, once a month or once a year?" The scholar said, "Make Du'a for them after the daily five prayers." Thus, the child should make Du'a for his parents five times per day. Some Tabi'in (second generation of Muslims) said, "Whoever makes Du'a for his parents five times in a day has fulfilled their rights, as it is indicated in the Quran." Allah says:
﴾ Give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination. ﴿
You give thanks to Allah by offering your five prayers, and you give thanks to your parents by making Du'a for them after every Salah. Hence, five times per day is the deduced number of times one should make Du'a for his late parents.
(( Abu Hurairah narrated: The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, "Verily, Allaah raises the grades of His righteous slaves in Paradise." So, he asks Allaah, "How did I attain this (high position)?" Allaah says, "Because of the supplication of your child for your forgiveness." ))
[ Hadith Sahih by At-Tabarani and Ahmad ]
9- Being dutiful to parents saves the child from Hellfire:
The last story in this lecture is the following:
(( Abdullah Ibn Abi Awfa, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated: A man came to the Prophet, peace be upon him, saying, "O Messenger of Allah there is a young man that is at his deathbed and it is said to him to say Lā-ilāha-il-lal-lāh (There is no deity save Allah) but he is unable to utter the words." The Prophet, peace be upon him, asked, "Was he not able to say this during his life?" They said, "Yes." The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, "So what is preventing him now at his deathbed?" So the Prophet and sh3er went to the young man and the Prophet, peace be upon him, asked, "O young man do say Lā-ilāha-il-lal-lāh (There is no deity save Allah)", and the lad responded, "I am unable to say it!" The Prophet, peace be upon him, asked, "Why?" The lad answered, "I was rebellious to my mother." Prophet, peace be upon him, asked, "Is she living?" The lad said, "Yes." The Prophet, peace be upon him, sent for her. "Is this your boy?" Asked the Prophet, peace be upon him, and the woman responded, "Yes." "Imagine a blazing fire and it is said to you: If you do not intercede for him, he will be buried into the flames!" said the Prophet, peace be upon him, and the mother responded, "In that case I will intercede for him." The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, "So acknowledge for Allah, acknowledge for us, that for sure you are satisfied with him." The woman replied, "Indeed I am satisfied with my son." The Prophet, peace be upon him, then said, "O young man do say Lā-ilāha-il-lal-lāh (There is no deity save Allah)", and the lad was able to utter the words: Lā-ilāha-il-lal-lāh (There is no deity save Allah). Then, the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said, "Al-Hamd (Praise) for Allah, Who saved him from the fire through me. ))
[ At-Tabarani and Ahmad ]
Reconciling between a mother and her child, between two brothers, between a father and his child or between two neighbors, is considered a good deed. Despite the high rank and exalted standing of the Prophet, peace be upon him, he was grateful to the Almighty Allah for being able to save that young man from Hellfire. He, peace be upon him, called for his mother and urged to forgive her son, but what did this son use to do to his mother? According to the Prophetic Sunnah he used to hurt his mother by preferring his wife to her. This Hadith will to be discussed further next lecture insha' Allah.
