The topic of this lesson is a real-life love story which happened in the close relatives of the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him.  I want, through this story, to assure you that Islam is the religion of life, the religion of balance, the religion that encourages you to work for the Hereafter as well as for this worldly life, and the religion that permits Halal (lawful) love.

Islam is not incompatible with living a happy and pleasant life, having a family that is your source of tranquility and happiness in life, having a healthy relationship with your children, your sons and daughters in-laws, and gaining  happiness and achieving success in this worldly life and in the Hereafter as well.

Now, let us start our story. Before the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, received the Message of Islam, a man called Abu Al-As, came to him and asked for his permission to marry his eldest daughter; Lady Zainab, may Allah be pleased with her. 

By the way, we can derive many moral lessons and Islamic laws from every single event of this story. So, the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said, "I will not do so until I ask her for her permission". How great Islam is! The marriage contract is invalid and non-binding without the bride's consent.

In our country, many families tend to make the marriage contract at home and sign it in the presence of a trusted Islamic scholar, then they register it in the court, so that it becomes a legal contract. In all previous years, I have never conclude any marriage contract before I hear the bride's approval, while she is sitting behind the door or any partition (i.e. without seeing her face), otherwise, the contract is void. Thus, no matter how powerful the father is, and no matter how high his social status is, he can never force his daughter to marry someone she refuses to marry, and the marriage contract can never be valid without her consent. 

Now, back to our story, Abu Al-As came to the Prophet, may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him, before he received the Message of Islam, and asked for his permission to marry his eldest daughter, Lady Zainab, but the Prophet replied, "I must ask her first". So he went to his daughter Zainab, may Allah be pleased with her, and said, "O My daughter, your cousin came to me and mentioned your name",  which is a euphemism for marriage, so he did not say to her: your cousin wants to marry you, lest she would be embarrassed, "so do you accept him as a husband?"

Although the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, was the Prophet and the Messenger of the Ummah (Islamic nation), the Master of all mankind, and the beloved one to Al-Haqq (Allah the Truth), he did not use his great position to force his daughter to get married; he was a Prophet, a Messenger, a father, and a leader. Nevertheless, he asked his daughter for her permission to marry saying, "O my daughter, your cousin came to me and mentioned your name, so do you accept him as a husband?"

Definitely, the most attractive quality of a woman is her shyness, whereas the best quality of a man is his courage. Allah the Almighty says:

Unfortunately, nowadays there is a loss of modesty; some women raise their voices at their husbands and speak harshly to them shamelessly, which makes them, according to psychologists, lose their feminine soul. Naturally, women are beautiful, but the most attractive quality of a woman is her femininity which comes from her modesty, her shyness and her polite silence in some cases.

Actually, there are some qualities that are considered the best qualities in a woman, but at the same time, they are a disgrace to men; it is unacceptable for men to have them, the top of these traits is shyness. Consider the following saying which was mentioned in the relic:

 

(( (If you never feel ashamed, then do whatever you like) ))

It means the last thing that deters man from committing great sins is feeling ashamed of committing it. 

Let's go back to our story: the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, went to his daughter Zainab, may Allah be pleased with her, and said, "O My daughter, your cousin came to me and mentioned your name, so do you accept him as a husband?" Her only answer was manifested in having her face turned red. She smiled, meaning that she accepted. 

One of the aspects of the greatness of Islam is that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:

She might feel embarrassed to say: Yes, I want to marry him! She would not say that openly, because her modesty would prevent her from doing so. Thus, her silence indicated her approval and consent. So, Lady Zainab, may Allah be pleased with her, got married to Abu Al-As Ibn Al-Rabei, may Allah be pleased with him, and  one of the greatest real-life love story began.

Dear brothers, consider the following important point: every desire Allah the Almighty has installed inside man has a lawful and pure way through which it can be satisfied blamelessly, so there is no deprivation or suppression of desires in Islam, i.e. you, as a believer, do not have to suppress your sexual desire, but rather you should control it, and the pleasure you get from satisfying it through lawful way (through marriage) is many times greater than the pleasure one gets from satisfying it through (unlawful) Haram way. Unfortunately, no one pays attention to this critical point.

A husband may have an intimate relationship with his wife, then, after taking a full bath, he may perform supererogatory night prayers and weep in humble submissiveness during Salah, that is because he has not violated Allah's Orders and has not committed anything Haram. Unlike the one who exchanges courting words with a non-mahram woman on the phone; this sin will pull him away from Allah the Almighty, won't it? 

So, let me repeat what I have just said: Every desire Allah the Almighty has installed inside man has a lawful and pure way through which it can be satisfied blamelessly. Thus, there is no deprivation or suppression of desires in Islam, but rather Islam encourages us to control our desires, and that is whymarriage is encouraged in Islam; it is the only lawful way to fulfill one's desires blamelessly. Furthermore, when a righteous young man wants to get married, he may receive financial help from many people around him; from his family, or even from his in-laws, i.e. in many cases, when the father finds that the young man who wants to marry his daughter is righteous and is the right man to marry her, he may financially support him in order to facilitate his marriage.

Let me tell you the following story: a young man used to work in a shop, but one day, a young woman came to him and tried to seduce him, then she walked out of the shop and asked him to follow her, so he did. While he was following her on the street, he blamed himself; he was gripped by shyness from Allah the Almighty, and said to himself, "What am I doing! How could I commit this major sin while I performed Hajj 18 years ago!" His shyness from Allah prevented him from committing that sin. 

He took a taxi and went back home. Two weeks or one month later, I do not exactly remember, one of the notables of the area came to his shop and asked him, "Have you got married yet?" He said,"No, I have not." So that man said to him, "I have a young daughter who is suitable for you, (i.e. he wanted to give him his daughter in marriage), so you can send your mother to see her."

At first, he thought that she was not pretty enough, but when his mother saw her, she found that she was a very beautiful young girl. So, that father chose a righteous husband for his daughter, he liked him, and he bought him a shop, a house in a classy neighborhood in Damascus, and a car. So, his marriage was a reward from Allah the Almighty for that good deed; that he abstained from committing a major sin out of his shyness from Allah the Almighty"

Ibn Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:

Then, this couple faced a big problem. When the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, received the Divine Revelation for the first time (which means that he was chosen by Allah to be a His Prophet), Abu Al-As was on a travel, so when he came back home, he found that his wife Zainab, may Allah be pleased with her, had embraced Islam. 

She said, "I have great news for you", but he turned away and did not listen to her. She was astonished at his behavior, so she followed him and said, "My father was sent as a Prophet, and I have embraced Islam." He said, "Why did you not ask for my opinion first?" She said, "I would never disbelieve my father or accuse him of lying. He can not ever be a liar, and all people testify to his honesty and truthfulness. Besides, I am not the only one who have embraced Islam; my mother, my sisters and brothers, my cousin Ali IbnAbi Taleb, your cousin UthamnIbnAffan, and your friend Abu Bakr, have become Muslims too", but he said, "I will not embrace Islam lest the people of Quraish say that I have abandoned my people and left my religion for the sake of my wife, but at the same time, I do not accuse your father of lying." 

Consider his accurate words; he did not accuse her father of lying, but he told her that it was inappropriate for him to embrace Islam. So he said to her, "I do not accuse your father of lying, but I cannot embrace Islam, so would you please accept my excuse and understand my situation?" Look at these kind words! So, she answered him,  "Of course I will. It is impossible for me not to excuse you! - which means they were living in harmony with each other- but I am your wife, I will stay beside you and help you until you reach the truth and follow it." How great her words are! She would stay beside him until he made that decision on his own, and she would not force him to embrace Islam.

Abu Al-As remained non-Muslim for many years, but, when it came time for migration from Makkah to Madinah, and the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, wanted to migrate, Lady Zainab, may Allah be pleased with her, went to him and said, "O Messenger of Allah, would you permit me to stay with my husband?" Look how faithful she was to her husband; although her father was the Prophet and the Messenger of Allah,she asked for his permission to stay with her husband, and the Prophet allowed her to do so. 

Although the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, was sent to all mankind, his daughter could not migrate with him. So, she stayed with her husband in Makkah until the battle of Badr took place, and her husband Abu Al-As decided to participate in it, so he joined the army of Quraish to fight against the Muslim army led by his father-in-law; the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, which make Zainabcrya lot. She used to invoke Allah saying, "O Allah, I fear the day when the sun rises and my husband is  killed leaving my children orphans, or I lose my father." So, both situations were terrible for her, and it was too hard for her. She feared either to lose her husband Abu Al-As, because he had participated in the battle of Badr or her father; the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him. 

The battle ended, and her husband was captured by Muslims, and his news spread all over Makkah

Zainab asked people, "What happened to my father?" They said, "Your father is fine,and the Muslims have won the battle." So, she prostrated to Allah in gratitude for the blessing of victory, then she asked, "What happened to my husband?" They said, "He was captured by Muslims." She said, "I will send a piece of jewelry to the Prophet as a ransom in order to release him". She had nothing but a necklace that her mother Khadijah, may Allah be pleased with her, gave to her as a present, and she used to wear it in order to adorn herself. So, she sent that necklace with her husband's brother to the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him.

While the Prophet was taking ransoms for the captives in order to set them free, he saw that necklace, so he asked his companions, "Whose ransom is this? (he recognized that necklace because it was he who bought it to his wife Khadijah many years ago). They said, " This is the ransom of Abu Al-As ( his son-in-law)." After hearing that, the Prophet wept and said, "This is Khadija's necklace", and then he got up. 

Actually, the Prophet was a ruler, a Messenger, a Prophet, a leader, a governor, and an army commander. Nevertheless, he consulted his companions to return that necklace to his daughter Lady Zainab, which indicates that the Prophet was a democratic leader, unlike the tyrants who kill millions of people in cold blood.

The Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, asked his companions, "Would you accept to return this necklace to my daughter Zainab?" They said, "Yes, O Messenger of Allah." So, the Prophet gave it back to Abi Al-As's brother and said to him, "Tell Zainab to keep Khadijah's necklace and never waste it", because it was very dear to the Prophet's heart. Notice how faithful the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him,  was to his wife Khadijah

When he married Lady A'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, she was a beautiful virgin young lady. So, one day the Prophet was praising Lady Khadijah, who passed many years ago, in front of Lady A'ishah, so she said to him out of jealousy, "Has Allah not given you a better wife than her?" By the way, when someone's wife dies, and he marries another women who is younger than his first wife, he may tell his new wife that he is so pleased that his first wife died, in order to please his new wife, but the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, never did that. When Lady A'ishah asked him that question, he answered, "No! Allah has not given me a better wife than her!"

The Prophet remained totally loyal to his wife Lady Khadijah, so he sent that necklace to his daughter Lady Zainab and ordered her not to waste it. Then, he said to Abi Al-As, "Can I talk to you in private?" The Prophet wanted to tell him bad news, he  took him aside and said, "O Abu Al-As, Allah has commanded me to separate between you and your wife", which means a Muslim woman is no longer allowed to stay with her non-Muslim husband, and this is an Islamic ruling, whereas it is permissible for a Muslim man to get married to a non-Muslim woman, a Christian women for example, because Muslims believe that Jesus is a Prophet, and there is no contradiction.

The Prophet said to his son-in-law, "O Abu Al-As, Allah has commanded me to separate between you and your wife, so will you return my daughter to me?" This means their relationship came to an end, because Abu Al-As announced openly that he is a disbeliever and fought against the Prophet, and he did not believe in him. Yet, he was a person of an exalted character, so he said to the Prophet politely, "Yes, I will."

When he came back to Makkah, his wife Lady Zainab was waiting for him at the outskirt of Makkah, so when he saw her he said, "I am leaving". She said, "Where will you leave?" He said, "Actually, it is not me who will leave, it is you who will leave and go to your father in Madinah". She said, "Why?" He replied, "Because the Muslim woman is no longer allowed to stay with her non-Muslim husband, so we should leave each other". She said, "Would you come with me and become a Muslim?" He said, "No. I would not". So, she took her son and daughter and travelled to Madinah. For six years, a lot of people came to the Prophet and asked for her hand, but she refused to remarry hoping that one day Abu Al-As would embrace Islam, and they would get back together.

Then, one day, while Abu Al-As was on his way leading a trade caravan from Makkah to Syria, a group of the companions captured him, so when they took him to Al-Madinah, he asked for Zainab's house, he knocked her door shortly before the call to Fajr (dawn) prayer, so when she saw him she said, "Have you come as a Muslim?" He said, " No, but I have come as a fugitive". She asked him, "Would you not embrace Islam?" He refused, so she said, " Ok, do not worry, I will grant you protection. Welcome my cousin and the father of my children Ali and Umamah" While the Prophet was leading the Muslims in dawn prayer, and the Masjidwas full of his companions, they heard the voice of his great daughter, Lady Zainab saying, "I have given protection to Abu Al-As Ibn Ar-Rabi'."

By the way, in Islam it is permissible to give protection to a non-Muslim person who is in a state of fear. So, upon hearing that, the Prophet said to his companions very politely, "Have you heard what I have just heard?" The Prophet knew nothing about that. In other words, He acted honestly, unlike the hypocrites who draw up secret plans, who pretend not to know anything while they know everything, or who act in a cunning way in order to manipulate the truth. So, he asked them, "Have you heard what I have just heard?" They said, "Yes, we have". Then Lady Zainab said, "O Messenger of Allah, from a distant view, Abu Al-As is my cousin, and from a close view, he is the father of my children, therefore, I have given him protection, O Messenger of Allah."

The most touching point in this story is when the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, praised Abu Al-As saying, "By Allah, I testify that Abu Al-As was a good son-in-law." How objective the Prophet was! Being objective means having high morals and an open mind, i.e. although Abu Al-As was a disbeliever, and he fought against Muslims (in Badr Battle), the Prophet did not forget that he was a good son-in-law. 

Indeed, your real success is to mention someone's positive qualities besides his negative ones; not only to mention his dark side but also his bright one. For example, if you are a general manager of a firm, and you have an employee who is always late, and you want to discipline him, do not forget his positive qualities; that he is honest and sincere, that he has never cheat you, and that he is loyal to you. Remember all his positive qualities. Let me repeat, if you are the general manager of an establishment, a store owner, etc. and one of your employees makes a mistake, do not forget all his positive qualities. 

Let me tell you the following story which shows you how the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, used to correct people without offending them. Once, the Prophet was leading some of his companions in prayer, and while he was bowing, one of his companions entered the Masjid in a hurry in order to catch up with the Prophet, and consequently he made a loud noise. However, what did the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said to him? He just said: 

Let me give you this sincere advice: If you are a father, a teacher, an instructor, a shopkeeper, a chief of service, or a person of high position, and one of the people under you makes a mistake, do not forget all his positive qualities and his bright side.

That companion made a noise and distracted those who were praying, yet the Prophet just said to him, "May Allah increase your keenness, but do not do that again." Verily, this can be considered a rule (i.e. how to correct people without offending them.)

a book entilted How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, which has sold over million copies, mentions some ethical guidelines, one of which is how the manager should treat his employee who has made a mistake; he should first mention his positive qualities, such as  mastering his job, being devoted to his company, and being a loyal employee, etc. then he can blame him for being late to work. 

I repeat, if you are a father, a teacher, a chief of service, or a person of high position, and one of the people under you makes a mistake, you should first mention his positive qualities, then you can blame him for his fault.

Let's go back to our story. The Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said to his companions, " If you accept to return his money to him and to let him go, that would be dearer to me, but if you refuse, the decision is yours. You have all the right to do that, and I will not blame you for your decision." Upon hearing that, people said, "We will return his money to him, O Messenger of Allah". So when the Prophet got the approval of his companions, which is really a demonstration of true democracy, he said, "We have given protection to the one who you have given protection, O Zainab." 

Then, the Prophet went to his daughter's house, and said to her, "O Zainab, treat him honorably, for he is your cousin and the father of your children, but do not have intimacy with him, for he is no longer your husband." She said, "Sure, O Messenger of Allah." 

What a great politeness! Our Prophet, the Master of mankind, went to his daughter's house and asked her to be generous to Abi Al-As but at the same time not to let him get closer to her, because it is not permissible for him to do that. So, she entered her house and said to Abi Al-As, "Do we really mean nothing to you! Would you embrace Islam and stay with us?" He said, " No, I would not!" He took his money and returned to Makkah! Verily. Their story is strange.

When he reached Makkah, he stood up and said to the people of Makkah, "O people, here is your money, (he was a trader and he invested their money)". He returned all their money to them. Then he said, "Is there anything left?" They said, "No. You have set the best example of loyalty." He said, "I bear witness that none is worthy of worship but Allah, and that Muhammad is His Messenger." He embraced Islam after giving them their money back, and he did not exploit his Islam in order to plunder their money, as many people do. 

After he announced that he had embraced Islam, he travelled to Madinah and reached it at dawn, then he went to the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, and said, "O Messenger of Allah, you gave me protection yesterday, but today I come to testify, honestly and without being compelled [lest people think that it was a hypocritical behavior], that there is none worthy of worship but Allah and that you are His Messenger."

Abu Al-As Ibn Ar-Rabi' said, "O Messenger of Allah, Would you permit me to get back together with Zainab?"The Prophet said to him, "Come with me". The Prophet went to Zainab's house, knocked on her door and said, "O Zainab, your cousin came to me today and asked me to get back together with him, do you accept?" Notice how Islam respect women's right. Her face turned red and she smiled, which means that she agreed.

One year later, Lady Zainab died, so Abu Al-As wept over her too much to the extent that  people saw the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, trying to calm him down, but Abu Al-As said to the Prophet, "By Allah, O Messenger of Allah, I can't live without her at all." Then, he passed away a year later.

Verily, this is a heart-touching love story; a story of pure, chaste, decent, true, and lawful love. Likewise, the Prophet used to show Lady A'ishah his love; once she asked him, "Do you love me?" He answered kindly, "By Allah, I love you."

Let me tell you something: One of the emotional needs of your wife is feeling your affection and love towards her.  Unfortunately, there is a lack of love and affection in our households.  For example, someone told me that when his daughter got engaged, her fiancé used to talk on the phone with her for 13 hours, but now after marriage, he talks less and remains silent most of the time!

The husband should show love and affection to his wife, because a Muslim is required to maintain a healthy relationship in his household. 

In conclusion, you should always mention the positive qualities of your wife. Also, you should always express your love for her, using sweet words in order to stop living a boring life which makes your household tasteless. Furthermore, the lack of affection within a family can lead to a lot of family problems. 

May Allah protect your faith, your families, your children, and your health.