- TV Symposiums / ٠03برنامج دٌرر - قناة مكة
- /
- Pearls2- The Rights- 1437H
Introduction:
Ustaz Bilal:
As-Salam Alaikum, Allah the Almighty says:
﴾And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents.﴿
Parents have substantial right upon their children to such an extent that it is almost the greatest right after Allah's Right.
I would like to start this episode with some questions: What does the coordinating conjunction "and" indicate in the following Ayah?
﴾Give thanks to Me and to your parents﴿
What are the ways of dutifulness that should be followed by the son towards his father and mother? How can a child make sh3er curse his mother and father? What are the limits of dutifulness towards parents? Does dutifulness apply to non-Muslim parents? How can someone be truly dutiful to his parents?
Bear with us, so that you may know the answers to all these questions.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds, and may He bless and grant peace to our Master Muhammad, the Faithful and the Honest, and may Allah bless his folks and companions.
Dear noble brother and sisters, may Allah grant you happiness and goodness wherever you might be. As-Salam Alaikum wa Rahmatu Allah wa Barakatoh. At the beginning of this new episode of your show Pearls, we will talk about the values of dealing among the individuals of the society. Today, we will tackle a new right which is the right of parents upon their children. Allow me first to welcome Dr. Muhammad Rateb Al-Nabulsi. As-Salam Alaikum:
Dr. Rateb:
Wa Alaikum As-Salam wa Rahmatu Allah wa Barakatoh.
Ustaz Bilal:
Dr. Rateb today we will talk about a new right which is very great and reverent; it is the right of parents upon their children. Allah the Almighty says in the Noble Quran:
﴾And by the begetter (i.e. Adam) and that which he begot (i.e. his progeny);﴿
He also says:
﴾And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents.﴿
I would like to start with these Ayat, and how we can comprehend the usage of the coordinating conjunction "and" in this Ayah.
Looking after children is a fateful matter:
Dr. Rateb:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, the Lord (the One and Only) of the Worlds, and blessings and peace be upon our Master Muhammad, his folks, his companions, his descendants and all those who allied with and followed him, and be pleased with them and us, O Lord or the Worlds.
Allow me to start by stating the following delicate fact. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾So let him not get you both out of Paradise, so that you be distressed in misery.﴿
Linguistically speaking, the subject pronoun "you" should refer to two persons (Adam and his wife), but it is used to refer to one person only, and in this regard scholars said that this particular use indicates that the misery of the husband causes the misery of the wife. Much in the same line, the misery of the child causes the misery of his parents. Based on this fact, the person who looks after his children is actually looking after his own self, and he shall be rewarded by Allah in the worldly life (before the Hereafter) by making his children "the comfort of his eye." Allah the Almighty says:
﴾"Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes﴿
Children are the parent's destiny. I always say: If you reach the highest position on earth, if you are the richest man and if you are very famous, but your son is not as you wish, you are the most miserable man on earth.
Dear spectators, when you look after your son, you are actually looking after your own self, and you are bringing about the means to happiness to yourself. In fact, nothing brings happiness to the father than seeing his son pious and righteous, and nothing brings happiness to the mother than seeing her daughter pious. I for one consider this topic one of the most serious topics in Islam.
Life is built of unites called "families", and as long as there is coherence, love, cooperation, values and principles, the family will live happily. Well I admit that money is important in man's life, but its effect is not as strong as the one of love, understanding and having children as comfort of the eye. Thus, there are so many important values to acquire apart from man's income and the size of his house.
When I talk about the concept of the pious child, I am actually talking about man's happiness and the continuity of his existence. For that very reason, raising children is one of the most crucial matters. Fifty years ago, means to deviation might have been very limited, but nowadays there are endless distractions which might incline children from the Right Path and truth, let alone having so many obstacles in their way.
Science turns things from being described only into using scientific measureable methods for them. For example, I may say that the plane makes unbearable noise, but after realizing that there is a device to measure this noise I would say, "The plane's noise is unbearable when it is above 125 decibels", for man can bear 70 decibels. As you notice I have turned science from something that is described into something that can be measured. Much in the same line, if there is a method to measure children's upbringing I will say, "Fifty years ago, we might need 100 unites, but nowadays we need 100.000 unites due to all the distractions and obstacles we have."
Fatherhood is a mission and a message, and the father will never gain happiness in his house if his children go astray from the path of righteousness, simply because there is a biological relation between the father and his son, for his son will always be identified by being the son of such and such person. Hence, the first fact is that we should look after our children physically, psychologically, socially, intellectually, aesthetically and religiously.
These kinds of upbringing are the foremost necessities. One might say, "You are unable to deliver what you do not own", so I ask all parents to get to know the truth themselves, and to seek knowledge in order to be able to instruct their children, because their children's upbringing is a very crucial matter in Muslims' life since they are the future and the pillars of this Ummah. How can the Ummah awaken? She can do that with the help of her children. Therefore, you can notice how this subject has international, national, patriotic, social, religious and psychological dimensions.
I repeat the point I have started with: Children's upbringing is a matter of either happiness or misery, so every father must spend the needed time to figure out the method he should follow to raise his children.
Ustaz Bilal:
Ustaz, we have introduced the topic of our lesson today, so let us go back to the Ayah, where Allah the Almighty says:
﴾And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents.﴿
The wisdom behind elevating dutifulness to parents to the level of worshiping Allah:
Dr. Rateb:
The coordinating conjunction entails equal structure and importance of the matters it joins. For example, I say, "I bought a house and a car" or "I bought a house and a farm", but I cannot say, "I bought a house and a spoon". Similarly, Allah uses "and" when He says, "And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him." [Al-Isra', 23], to elevate the level of dutifulness towards parents to the level of worshiping Him, which gives honor to parents:
﴾And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents.﴿
Allah is the Creator of man, but what is the direct reason of man's existence? It is the father and the mother who are the reason of their son's existence though Allah is The Creator. We usually mention three substantial graces: the grace of existence, the grace of provision and the grace of guidance.
Allah the Almighty says:
﴾Has there not been over man a period of time, when he was nothing to be mentioned?﴿
I use to give this example to the dear spectators: if you open a book and notice that the publishing date was before you were born, you will realize that at that date you were nothing, were you? You did not even exist:
﴾Has there not been over man a period of time, when he was nothing to be mentioned?﴿
Allah is The Creator, yet Allah created the means for everything, and your mother and your father are the means to bring you to existence in this life. Thus, their favor is substantial, and this favor is greater when they raise you according to Islam, and they get you to know Allah, to know the Hereafter, to know the basics of morals and to know the Method of Allah the Almighty.
It is natural to find fathers who are keen on their children's success in seeking earthy knowledge and on their wellbeing, but only the true believer adds to these concerns his keenness on their religion and faith, and this distinguishes him as a believer. The Muslim believer looks after his children upbringing, their Aqeedah, their comprehension to religious facts and their knowledge seeking, and this is how he should be as a believing father.
Ustaz Bilal:
May Allah reward you.
Dear brother, we are still discussing this great right of the fathers upon their children, and we will be back after this break…
As-Salam Alaikum wa Rahmatu Allah wa Barakatoh, we are back again to continue talking about the right of the fathers. Before the break we were discussing the Ayah:
﴾And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him.﴿
You explained to us how Allah elevates the right of the parents by making it at the same level of worshiping Him. I would like to mention the rest of the Ayah:
﴾ And that you be dutiful to your parents. ﴿
What does the Arabic letter "Bi (and that)" in this Ayah indicate?
The parents' position is a grace that is based on religion:
Dr. Rateb:
If you are rich, you may assume that sending your maid to check on your parents is enough to fulfill your dutifulness towards them, but there is an indication in this Ayah which proves that you are mistaken. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾And that you be dutiful to your parents. ﴿
This letter "Bi" indicates coherence in the sense that you should serve your parents in person, because the father at his old age will not be happy only to be served, but he will be happy to see his son around him. We are blessed in the Muslim world with uncountable graces, among which is the daily visit of the child to his parents, and this visit brings happiness to the father. In the Western world I think the son sees his parents only on Christmas.
My son used to live in America, and his neighbor used to prepare her house in an incredible manner just for one day when all her children came to visit her, but one year they did not come, so she cried hard. Actually, their life style is very different from ours in the Muslim world. The son in our countries may visit his mother every day, or every other day or at least two times a week, and he is always at the disposal of his parents. We excel in fatherhood system and children's upbringing.
While I was once in Australia, I was told that the son in this country might go to the extreme in his deviation, and his undutifulness is even worse. Unlike that country, the father enjoys a very exalted rank in our countries, and this is but a grace that is based on religion, because Islam encourages us to look after our parents.
As you have mentioned earlier, Allah elevates the level of dutifulness towards the parents to the level of worshiping Him. Thus, the empathy, the familial ties and the cooperation we have in families is beyond belief. I know thousands of fathers who sold their houses in the capital just to be able to buy three or four houses in the suburb to facilitate their sons' marriages, and this cannot be found in the Western world.
Ustaz Bilal:
If we like to summarize the rights of the father upon his child, we will choose the word "dutifulness", while undutifulness is a major sin since Allah elevates dutifulness towards parents to the level of worshiping Him, and undutifulness is always mentioned next to joining partners with Allah.
If we like to elaborate more regarding dutifulness, the first thing the child should avoid is wronging his parents by making sh3er curse them, so does the child cause that to his parents?
The child should not abuse unintentionally his parents by letting people curse them:
Dr. Rateb:
A father might be praised due to his son's upbringing, whereas another father might be cursed because of his son. Therefore, the effects of children's upbringing extend to the society.
Ustaz Bilal:
Obedience in lawful matters is part of dutifulness to the parents, right?
It is necessary to be dutiful to parents unless in the disobedience of Allah:
Dr. Rateb:
Yes, you are right. First of all, pay attention to this Hadith:
((There is no obedience to the creation, in the disobedience of the Creator.))
However, there is a nice commentary; Allah the Almighty says:
﴾But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me sh3er that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly﴿
If your parents order you to join partners with Allah or to disobey Him, you should not obey them, but you should reject their order nicely.
Ustaz Bilal:
What if the father was unfair to his child, is this enough reason for the child to be undutiful to him.
Dr. Rateb:
As a child, you should do your duties and ask Allah for your rights. The father is a father, and the child should fulfill his duty towards him, and he asks Allah to guide him to treat him fairly.
Ustaz Bilal:
What if the parents are non-Muslims?
Dr. Rateb:
The son should be dutiful to them unless they order him to commit a sin.
Ustaz Bilal:
Is the permission of parents is needed in Kifa'i Jihad (if one Muslim do that it is no longer recommended for sh3er)?
Dr. Rateb:
Yes, their permission is deemed required.
Ustaz Bilal:
If your parents are alive, your Jihad is to serve them. I would like to move to a different point that is related to being dutiful to parents after their death.
How can we be dutiful to our parents after their death?
Dr. Rateb:
((Abu Usayd said, "We were with the Messenger of Allah, PBUH, when a man asked, "Messenger of Allah, is there any act of dutifulness which I can do for my parents after their death?" He replied, "Yes. There are four things: Supplication for them, asking forgiveness for them, fulfilling their pledges, and being generous to friends of theirs. You only have ties of kinship through your parents.))
Ustaz Bilal:
Someone may obey his parents, but he may cause them sadness due to his condition (maybe because he is not religious), so is that considered undutifulness?
The righteous son brings happiness to his parents:
Dr. Rateb:
When the child is righteous, his dutifulness doubles. In other words, if the child serves his parents, this is excellent, but when the father notices that his child is righteous, religious and humble, and that he is a good deed doer and a remarkable individual in the society, and all people love him, this will bring indescribable happiness to the father's heart. Therefore, whoever looks after his children is actually looking after his own self.
Ustaz Bilal:
I would like to refer to an important point. Some parents for non-religious reasons (may be because they hate their daughter in law) order their son to divorce his wife, and he is stuck between a rock and a hard place, so what do you say in this regard?
Dutifulness to parents has nothing to do with man's marriage:
Dr. Rateb:
Being dutiful to parents has nothing to do with the son's marriage. If his wife is a devoted believer, she wears Hijab and she obeys him, yet his parents ask him to divorce her just because they do not love her, this order should never be seen through, because as the Prophet PBUH said:
((There is no obedience to the creation, in the disobedience of the Creator))
What guilt does she make? Once a brother said to me, "Did our Master Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, not order his son to divorce his wife? I said to him, "Is your father like Umar?" He answered, "No, he is not." I said, "Then, the discussion is over".
Ustaz Bilal:
If the reason of the parents' order has no grounds, it should not be done.
Dr. Rateb:
Dutifulness is manifested when you bring them their medicine or when you buy them some new furniture, but divorcing your wife has nothing to do with dutifulness.
Sa'd Ibn Abi Waqqas's mother told him, "If you do not disbelieve in Muhammad, I will abstain from food and drink until I die." Sa'd Ibn Abi Waqqas replied, "O mother, if you have one hundred souls, and they depart from you one after the other, I will never leave my religion. So, it is up to you to you eat or not." Upon hearing this, Sa'd's mother despaired of the effect of her hunger strike and started eating again.
Conclusion:
Ustaz Bilal:
May Allah reward you Dr. Rateb and bless you.
Dear brother, we have reached the end of today's episode in which we enjoyed your company. Till we meet you in a new episode about a new right and value in Islam, I will leave you under the Care of Allah whose trusts are never wasted.
As-Salam Alaikum wa Rahmatu Allah wa Barakatoh.
