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Islamic topics- Miscellaneous topics- Lesson (031): Mistakes which most women make-1
In the Name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful  

Errors into which most women fall:

1- Resorting to sorcerers and charlatans:

 Dear brother today's lecture is addressed to the half of our society, namely to women. He who educates a woman is educating a family.

The mother is but a school and if she is well raised
an entire nation will attain good manners


 He, who educates a young man, is educating one person, but he, who educates a woman, is educating a family. Unfortunately, there are a lot of errors into which Muslim women fall, because of ignorance or carelessness from their side or from their husbands' side. These errors are categorized and classified according to the major branches of Islam, and this is what I will tackle today.

 It was reported by Ishaq Ibn Ibrahim Al-Hanzali, he said: I said to Abu Usama: Obaid Allah narrated to you what Nafe' reported about what Ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with both of them) said that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said:

((A woman should not travel for more than three days except with a Dhi-Mahram (i.e. a male with whom she cannot marry at all, e.g. her brother, father, grandfather, etc.) or her own husband.))

  I heard hundreds of stories about women who committed errors like the one mentioned above, and they ended up in deadlock. There are Muslim women whose husbands attend Masjid regularly and seek religious knowledge, yet they resort to sorcerers, charlatans and soothsayers!! These sorcerers are dressed like religious men, and they falsely claim the power of undoing the effect of magic, of making the married couple affectionate towards one another and of bringing happiness to their household. Those sorcerers and charlatans are great in numbers.

 A sorceress was once busted in action, for she used to promise single women to find them a husband, and in return each woman must pay 300 thousand Lira. That sorceress knows many young men, so she sends one of them to ask for the woman's hand (the victim), making the victim believe her, and that her money is not paid in vain. Consequently, the young girl gets engaged to the young man, but after a period of time, he starts to make up problems and breaks up with the woman, and things go back the way they were. If this means something, it means that there must be awareness amongst women. There are thousands of sorcerers and charlatans out there, and all of them are dressed like religious men, but the noble Quran is clear in that regard, Allah says:

((Say: "I seek refuge with (Allah) the Lord of the daybreak, "From the evil of what He has created;))

[Al-Falaq, 1-2]

 Allah the Almighty asks us to seek refuge with Him, Allah says:

((Verily, those who are Al-Muttaqun (the pious - see V.2:2), when an evil thought comes to them from Shaitan (Satan), they remember (Allah), and (indeed) they then see (aright).))

[Al-A'raf, 201]

 Hence, remember Allah, for the remembrance of Allah wards off Satan and his evil doing. Seeking refuge with Allah and remembering Him are the Quranic means prescribed to us by the Creator of the universe (against Satan). Our Lord the Most High described Satan as "whisperer (devil who whispers evil in the hearts of men) who withdraws (yakhnos) from his whispering in one's heart after one remembers Allah, but when people (especially women) resort to sorcerers, they are seeking goodness and prosperity from other than Allah.

 There are a lot of shameful stories about asking help from sorcerers, and fornication is committed in the places where the sorcery job is done. This is but disgraceful situations. I am not shooting from the hip, but the examples I give you are based on real stories. Someone I trust told me about his relative who dresses like religious men and claims to find solutions for the problems of wives though he doesn't offer Salah! Furthermore, he fornicates with tens of ignorant women who resort to this lair in order to undo the magic effect on them or on their daughters. Whenever a problem occurs between a husband and his wife, the mother of the wife hastens to take her daughter to a sorcerer or an imposter who pretends to be a religious Shaikh. Keep in mind that our religion, as Muslims, is a religion of knowledge and evidences. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said:

((I have left you upon clear proof, its night is like its day. No one deviates from it after me, except that he is destroyed))

[Adh-Dhahabi by Al-Irbad bin Sariyah]

  You should know beyond any doubt that the Prophet, peace be upon him, would never delay any knowledge from being said in the right time, so if there had been ways to undo magic effect or to bring the married couple closer to one another other than these Ayaht and As7adeth, the Prophet, peace be upon him, would have mentioned them. Hence, all these voodoo's ways in solving domestic problems far away from Allah the Almighty are but deception and swindle.

 An honorable brother said to me: "I know an old woman who uses twisted and deceptive ways to solve domestic problems. She is very clever and she demands hefty money for the intention of fixing the relation between the spouses For instance, she asks the wife to be clean, to look after her children and to wear make up for her husband!" In fact the problems go away after that, but what does she ask the wife to do? She asks her to do all the things that husbands like. Also she asks her to do the things the Prophet, peace be upon him, ordered woman to do. However, she takes the wife's money in return for those true pieces of advice and gives the wife the impression that she does that through magic and Jinn, and that she can fix the relation between the married couple. Therefore, if only every woman applies the Prophetic guidance, her husband will love her and her Lord will love her and will cast her love in the heart of her husband.

 I would like to repeat again: The first error most Muslim women fall into is resorting to sorcerers, charlatans and soothsayers to solve their problems. In Egypt I saw very weird practices. There are Awliyaa (plural of Wali= protector) who are buried in most of Egypt's Masajid, and people circumambulate the graves as if each one of them were the grave of the Prophet, peace be upon him. Not to mention invoking the buried to bestow kids and provision upon them. By Allah, this is nothing but Shirk, for one should invoke only Allah the Almighty. Pay attention dear brother to what Allah says:

((Say: "It is not in my power to cause you harm, or to bring you to the Right Path."))

[Al-Jinn, 21]

 The following Ayah is more stunning:

((Verily, those who are Al-Muttaqun (the pious - see V.2:2), when an evil thought comes to them from Shaitan (Satan), they remember (Allah), and (indeed) they then see (aright).))

[Al-A'raf, 201]

 The Almighty Allah says:

((If I had the knowledge of the Ghaib (unseen), I should have secured for myself an abundance of wealth, and no evil should have touched me.))

[Al-A'raf, 188]

 These are the words of our Lord, and since the Master of mankind and the beloved to the Haq ( the Prophet, peace be upon him) doesn't know the unseen, and if he had had the knowledge of the Ghaib (unseen), he should have secured for himself an abundance of wealth, and no evil should have touched him. Furthermore, he possesses neither hurt nor benefit for himself or for his Ummah nation, so it is rather for sh3er not to know the unseen. Sometimes a brother comes to me and says, "I want a job for my son", and I say to him: "I couldn't find a job for my son. Since I possess no power to find my son a job, how can I find a job for yours?" This is a common sense.

Proofs of the impermissibility of resorting to sorcerers and charlatans:

 The following are some proofs of the impermissibility of going to sorcerers and charlatans. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said:

((Whoever comes to 'Arraf (soothsayer) and affirms what he said, his prayer will not be accepted for forty days.))

[Muslim by Hafsah, may Allah be pleased with her]

((Abu Huraira and Al Hasan-may Allah be pleased with them- narrated that the Prophet -peace and prayer of Allah be upon him- said, "Whoever come to an oracle or soothsayer, and affirm what he said, indeed, he has committed infidelity toward the revelation revealed to Muhammad -peace and prayer of Allah be upon him.))

[Ahmad, Baihaqi and AlHakem by Abi Huraira]

 This is one of the major errors into which most Muslim sisters fall when they try to solve their domestic problems, like the one caused by the husband's lack of love for his wife, the carelessness of the wife towards her husband and the obedience of the wife to her husband at the expense of disobeying the Almighty Allah. Allah says:

((And Allah has set forth an example for those who believe, the wife of Fir'aun (Pharaoh), when she said: "My Lord! Build for me a home with You in Paradise, and save me from Fir'aun (Pharaoh) and his work, and save me from the people who are Zalimun (polytheists, wrong-doers and disbelievers in Allah).))

[At-Tahrim, 11]

 Out of profound wisdom, the wife of the most famous infidel tyrant on earth (Pharaoh) is the siddeeqah (truthful) of all women. This tyrant said, "I am your lord, most high", and despite all his power and tyranny, he couldn't make his wife believe in him. This denotes that the woman is independent from her husband with regard to her religion, and Allah will not excuse her if she says to Him, "My husband wanted that". No!

((There is no obedience to anyone in disobedience to Allah))

 This is the Divine Method, and in case the married couple are not in harmony, that will be a result of a sin that is committed in this household, a result of doing things which don't please the Almighty Allah and a result of insisting on wrong doings.

((Whoever seeks to please men at the expense of Allah's Displeasure, will win the Displeasure of Allah and Allah will cause men to be displeased with him.))

 Accordingly, the woman who pleases her husband at the expense of Allah's Allah will be displeased with her, and this will cause the displeasure of her husband with her.

2- Pulling hair, slapping cheeks, tearing clothes and wailing:

  The second prevailing grave error is considered a serious violation, and it has to do with women who mourn by pulling their hair, slapping their cheeks, tearing their cloths and wailing. In Sahih Bukhari and Muslim, it was narrated by Abdullah Ibn Mas'ood, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said:

((He who slaps his cheeks, tears his clothes and follows the ways and traditions of the Days of Ignorance is not one of us))

[Agreed upon by Abdullah Ibn Mas'ood]

 By Allah, there are women who follow the funeral wearing a sleeping gown, slapping their cheeks and wailing on their deceased husbands. These women have never known Allah, for the true believer accepts Allah's Qada' and Qadar (predestination and preordainment). The woman who slaps her face, tears her cloths and wails while mourning on a deceased relative is but following the ways and traditions of the Days of Ignorance, and the Almighty Allah will never be pleased with such a woman. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said:

((He who slaps his cheeks, tears his clothes and follows the ways and traditions of the Days of Ignorance is not one of us))

[Agreed upon by Abdullah Ibn Mas'ood]

 I know a scholar from Damascus, whose son had Doctorate in medicine and was a specialist in heart diseases. After he finished his studies in the Faculty of Medicine he studied in the Faculty of Shari'ah (Islamic law) and became a third year student. He memorized Quran by heart there, and after he finished his military service, he got engaged to a believer woman, and they signed the marriage contract. A while later he died in an accident. Upon offering condolences to his father, by Allah I was amazed by his reaction; he was solid and pleased with Allah's Qada' and Qadar. This is how the true believer should be. Disasters afflict people all the time, but only the believer accepts them from the Almighty Allah with pleasure.

 The wife of an honorable brother delivered her baby in an exceptional way, for her baby was pulled from her womb by a device which hurt the brain of the baby, so the baby started trembling every minute severely. The first doctor whom they counseled told them that the baby would become blind, paralyzed or retarded, and the second doctor and the third one said the same. Accordingly, the father fell in despair, so I told him once, "Allah the Great Whom you love, you worship, you donate for His sake everything you own and you read repeatedly in your Salah the following Ayah, ? Say (O Muhammad, peace be upon him): "Verily, my Salat (prayer), my sacrifice, my living, and my dying are for Allah, the Lord of the 'Alamin (mankind, jinns and all that exists).?[Al-An'am, 162], afflicted you with your baby, so you should accept this affliction and leave the affair of the  child to Him."

The Almighty Allah cured that baby, and now he is in his last year at university and one of the top students in his class. The three doctors said that the baby would become blind, paralyzed or retarded, but Allah willed something different. Hence, you should accept Allah's Qada' and Qadar. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said:

((He who slaps his cheeks, tears his clothes and follows the ways and traditions of the Days of Ignorance is not one of us))

[Agreed upon by Abdullah Ibn Mas'ood]

 The next Hadith is reported by Imam Muslim. Narrated Abi Malik Al-Ash'ari, may Allah be pleased with him, he said: The Prophet, peace be upon him, said:

((If the wailing woman does not repent before she dies, she will be made to stand on the Day of Resurrection wearing a garment of pitch and a garment of scabies (Allah knows the nature thereof).))

[Muslim by Abi Malik Al-Ash'ari]

 The woman who pulls her hair, slaps her cheeks, tears her clothes and wails on the deceased is not a true believer.

The believer accepts Allah's Qada' and Qadar:

  The son of Abu Talhah (may Allah be pleased with him) who was born of Umm Sulaim died. She (Umm Sulaim) said to the members of the family: "Do not tell Abu Talhah about his son until I mention it to him myself." Abu Talhah came (home) and she gave him supper. He ate and drank. She then beautified herself the best way she ever did and he slept with her. When she saw that he was satisfied after sexual intercourse with her, she said, "O Abu Talhah! If some people borrow something from another family and then (the members of the family) ask for its return, would they refuse to give it back to them." He said, "No". She said, "Then hope reward for your son". Abu Talhah got angry, and said; "You left me uninformed until I stained myself (with sexual intercourse) and then you told me about my son." He went to Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) and informed him about the matter. Thereupon Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, "May Allah bless the night you spent together!" He (the narrator) said: She conceived. After a period of time, she gave birth to a boy who had later on ten of sons who were Huffaz (the one who memorizes Quran by heart).
 This is how the believer should be; he should accept Allah's Qada' and Qadar.

3- Asking Allah for death:

  Some women freak out whenever they are in hardship and they ask Allah for death.
 The Prophet, peace be upon him, forbade that:

((Anas bin Malik (Radiyallahu Anhu) reports in Sahih Hadith that Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said, 'None of you should ever wish for death due to any hardship he may face. If he has to do it, he may say, "Oh Allah keep me alive as long as life is good for me and take me up in death when death is better for me."))

[Muslim by Anas]

 Some husbands say, "Amin" whenever their wives ask Allah for death. Don't ask Allah for death or for the death of your children. This is another error into which most Muslim woman fall. Can you believe that some women ask Allah for death if the washing machine breaks down?

4- Depending on servants to raise children:

  There is a mistake which Muslim women make in other countries (not ours), which is depending on servants in raising their children. This is really dangerous, for the servant might not be a Muslim, and thus she might raise the kids to follow her corrupted creed or might teach the children corrupted manners, while their Muslim msh3er haughtily step aside from raising their own children. This is a grave violation and nobody can replace a kid's mother. I would like to give you an example of the behavior of some msh3er: A woman prayed Tahajud (after midnight prayer), shed tears in Salat (prayer), showed reverence in her heart and melted by Allah's love, so at 6 AM she got tired and sleepy, and she went to bed and asked her kids to go to school. The children did that, but one of them had something wrong with his clothes, the other kid had oil on his books, because he put the sandwich where his books were and the shoes of the third one needed to be fixed. When they were at school, each one of them was rebuked by his teacher. Do you know why? Because their mother was asleep as a result of spending all the night praying. If the mother prays Fajr on time and stays up in order to prepare breakfast to her children, checks their shoes, their uniforms and their bags and prepares their sandwiches, she is more closer to Allah than the mother in the example I've just given you, because she worships Allah through her true mission as a mother; she looks after her husband and children.

 Dear brother, being careless towards the husband and children is a serious violation from the part of the woman, because her mission is to be a mother and a wife, and in case she is careless in what Allah assigned her to do, she will be making a big mistake. Some women look after their children's homework, but neglect their Salah offering. These women care about the homework of their children, but what about their Salah? When our Master Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, was stabbed, he fainted, but when he came to, the first question he asked, "Did Muslims offer Fajr Salah?" This means that the religion is the first priority. In some cases the father comes home in the evening and asks his wife, "Did the children eat well? Did they write their homework?" However, he never asks her about their Salah. All he asks about is food and homework. Beware, being careless towards the children and the husband and neglecting children's Salah are serious deviations the mother commits while raising her children.

5- Delaying Salah beyond its proper time:

  Delaying Salah beyond its proper time is one of the errors into which most Muslim women fall, and it is really a serious matter.

6- Dressing indecently in front of the family members:

 I would like to comment on the cloths of women. You all know that it is impermissible to wear transparent or very tight clothes which might show the details of the female's body or the color of her skin. Therefore, the dress which shows the skin or the details of the woman's body is Haram, and the woman should only wear such clothes in front of her husband, but not her brother (as most of us might assume it is permissible). Islam prevents the brother from seeing his sister wearing the clothes she is allowed to wear to her husband only. The woman is permitted to wear clothes which cover the knee, the chest and the elbows, so these are the clothes which the brother can see his sister wearing. This means that she is not allowed to show other parts of her body; the brother should not see her chest, her entire arms or up her knees, as all of these parts are forbidden for him to see even though he is her brother.

 Most of us do not care about teaching this kind of decency between Maharem (male relatives to whom the woman is never permitted to marry). You (as a man) have the right to look at your mother, sister or daughter, but you are not permitted to see the parts of their body which the home dress covers ( the chest, up the elbows and up the knees), because only the husband has the right to see these parts of woman's body. Thus, neither the father nor the brother is permitted to see parts which the home dress covers.

7- Using silverware and golden ware for drinking:

  The Prophet, peace be upon him, forbade us from drinking in a silver or golden ware, and to eat using plates made of gold and silver, for they are only for the Kuffar in the worldly life and for the believers in the Hereafter. Scholars allowed Muslims to use the silver-plated or gold-plated ware, but if they were made of pure silver, it is impermissible to use them, because silver and gold are used in manufacturing money and currency, so when we used them in other industry, we will be counteracting their essential task. A person told me once, "There is a tap, which is made entirely of pure gold, in one of Muslim's homes, and it costs what equals the price of a house." If this Muslim has six taps of that kind in his house, that will equal six houses! I suggest that this Muslim buys a house for a young man and his bride, and use a stainless steel tap instead, and so he will be abundantly rewarded by Allah. Let me repeat: Using silver and gold ware (for eating and drinking) is forbidden so avoid using them.

 This topic is very important, and I hope that Muslims (males and females) will benefit from it and act upon what is right. If Allah wills, we will continue tackling it next lecture.

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