- Prophetic Hadith / Explanation of Prophetic Hadith
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- Riyadh Al Saleheen
The Prophet’s explanation of the Hadith: "All of you are guardians…"
Dear brothers, Ibn 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with them) reported:
(Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "All of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects. The ruler is a guardian and responsible for his subjects; the man is a guardian of his family; the woman is guardian in her husband's house and responsible for her wards; a servant is guardian of his master's property and responsible for his ward. So all of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects".)
The Ahadeeth reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim reported are the most authenticated.
Dear brothers, Allah the Almighty says in Surat Al-Asr:
﴾ By Al-'Asr (the time)* Verily! Man is in loss* Except those who believe (in Islamic Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth (i.e. order one another to perform all kinds of good deeds (Al-Ma'ruf)which Allah has ordained, and abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds (Al-Munkar)which Allah has forbidden), and recommend one another to patience (for the sufferings, harms, and injuries which one may encounter in Allah's Cause during preaching His religion of Islamic Monotheism or Jihad, etc.).﴿
The Divine Order "recommend one another to the truth" means that believing in Allah and doing righteous deeds are not enough to defeat al-Batil (falsehood), because if the latter grows, it will conquer people's faith, and for this very reason, faith should grow strongly. Therefore, recommending one another to the truth is a cornerstone in Islam:
﴾ Except those who believe (in Islamic Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth (i.e. order one another to perform all kinds of good deeds (Al-Ma'ruf)which Allah has ordained, and abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds (Al-Munkar)which Allah has forbidden), and recommend one another to patience (for the sufferings, harms, and injuries which one may encounter in Allah's Cause during preaching His religion of Islamic Monotheism or Jihad, etc.).﴿
In fact, recommending one another to the truth requires special qualifications, the simplest of which is to set a good example. If you do so, people will look up to you, will watch you, will observe you, will notice your behavior and will meditate (regarding the truth). "…recommending one another to the truth" in its widest manifestation is applying Islam, such as applying it in your house and at work.
With regard to the connection between this Hadith and the previous Ayah, man's first priority is to maintain what he is assigned to by Allah. Namely, to maintain those you are in charge of and those whom you are responsible for, such as your wife, your daughters, your sons and the others whom you guard. Basically, in order to follow the Right Path, man should look after those Allah assigned him to be in charge of. The Prophet PBUH said:
(All of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects.)
We can use the following example to shed light on this concept: the higher man ascends in the air, the more of land he may observe. This is the case of the astronauts who travel beyond the escape velocity and escape the earth's gravity towards the moon. They see the entire earth with all its continents and seas. Much in the same line, when you stand in a street, you can only see few buildings, but if you climb Mount Qasioun, you will be able to see all Damascus, and if you fly on an airplane at an altitude of 40.000 feet, you will see more than 200 kilometers of land. Therefore, the higher you ascend in the air, the more things you see. The main point I want to convey from these examples is that when man is given more privileges in his career, his responsibility will become greater.
The teacher, for instance, is in charge of the 30 pupils in his class, but the principal is in charge of the entire school, and he is responsible for 700 pupils. Hence, the greater the assignment man bears and the larger amounts of people he is in charge of, the bigger his responsibility will be. If man intends to do the right thing in life, and if he does not want to neglect Allah's Assignment to him, he should maintain the needs of those he is in charge of. The Prophet PBUH said:
(All of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects. The ruler is a guardian and responsible for his subjects; the man is a guardian of his family; the woman is guardian in her husband's house and responsible for her wards; a servant is guardian of his master's property and responsible for his ward. So all of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects.)
This is the key Hadith of the responsibility man has and which he will be held accountable for on the Day of Resurrection. I used to say the following: You may look after other children who they have their guardians in addition to you, but your own children have only you. You are the only one who will raise your child and take his hand to Allah. Who else will look after his health, study, conducts, future and marriage? You are responsible for your own children and you are assigned by Allah to look after them by making you their father, by making you a husband of your wife, or by making you an older brother to your siblings and so forth.
By the way, some people may think that this responsibility is financial only and some fathers may think that if they meet their children's needs, like food, clothes, fuel shelter and other matters, they will fulfill their assignment, but this is wrong.
In fact, the most crucial responsibility, which you will be held accountable for, is their religion, conducts and final destiny. It was reported in the Islamic tradition that if the parents do not look after their son's religion and he is admitted to Hell-Fire due to that, he will not enter Hell until his father enters it first. Hence, fathers, who meet their children's tangible needs and neglect their religion, conducts, prayers and final destiny (whether it is Paradise or Hell-fire), provide evanescent thing that ends when life ends. The Prophet PBUH said:
(All of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects.)
The assignment is a whole, so it cannot be broken into parts. Accordingly, you should be keen on your son's religion, spiritual needs and his connection with Allah the Almighty as much as you are keen on his health and familial ties.
I would like to mention a fact that is derived from a Noble Ayah, and it is profoundly related to our topic. Looking after someone should not involve violence and cruelty, for the Prophet PBUH said:
(Instruct others and do not rebuke them, because the instructor is better than the rebuker.)
The teacher is better than the rebuker, given there are so many other Ahadeeth which talk about clemency.
('A'ishah, the wife of Allah's Apostle (PBUH), reported Allah's Apostle (PBUH) as saying: "Kindness is not to be found in anything but that it adds to its beauty and it is not withdrawn from anything but it makes it defective.")
Allah the Almighty is Kind and He likes those who are kind. The deeper faith is rooted in man's heart, the kinder he becomes towards those around him. People sometimes recite an Ayah, yet they miss its point and how crucial it is. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you; so pass over (their faults), and ask (Allah's) Forgiveness for them; and consult them in the affairs. ﴿
Who is Allah addressing? He is addressing the Prophet PBUH. Who is the Prophet PBUH? He is the Prophet of this Ummah, he is the Messenger of Allah, he is the Master of all Prophets and Messengers, peace be upon them, he received the Divine Revelation, he is infallible, he is the one who brought miracles, he is the Master of Adam's sons, he is the one who took the journey to Bait Al-Maqdis, he is the one who took the journey to the seventh Heaven and he is the best among mankind. Yet, had he been severe and harsh-hearted, people would have broken away from about him.
You may be a believer, but you do not have all these privileges and characteristics, so what if you add to that being harsh-hearted, this will be enough reason for people to break away from about you. Hence, you cannot win people's hearts unless you draw to perfection. I used to say: while Prophets, peace be upon them, won people's hearts, the powerful people owned people's necks, and what a big difference between winning a heart and owning someone's body! In order to fulfill your assignment towards those you are in charge of (i.e. your family), you should be generous, perfect, merciful, fair and selfless by favoring the interests of those around you over yours.
Dear brothers, I feel that I am obliged to clarify some facts of which we are in need. Every man should know his limits and stop at them. Therefore, you should bear in mind that you will be asked by Allah about the family Allah made you the head of. If you look after your family, given the society consists of families, all the society will be in a better situation. Thus, if you look after your sons' conducts, religion, future, line of work, health, moves and stills, and if you look after your daughters' prayers, righteousness, modesty and behavior, and you get help from your wife in this mission, your family will be reformed. If all families are reformed, the society will be reformed as well. The Prophet PBUH ordered us to do so. Raising the bar of ambitions and longing for substantial goals are not your priorities, for your top priority should be to look after your family.
Also, I used to say to you that achieving perfect parenthood, from the father and the mother, is enough reason for man to be admitted to Paradise. On the other hand, achieving perfect childhood is enough reason for children to be admitted to Paradise. There are so many Prophetic Ahadeeth in this respect:
('Abdullah ibn 'Amr said, "A man came to the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, wanting to do jihad. The Prophet asked, 'Are your parents alive?' 'Yes,' he replied. he said, 'Then exert yourself on their behalf.'")
I will mention another Hadith:
(Narrated Abu Sa'id al-Khidri: A man emigrated to the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) from the Yemen. He asked (him): "Have you anyone (of your relatives) in the Yemen?" He replied: "My parents." He asked: "Did they permit you?" He replied: "No." He said: "Go back to them and ask for their permission. If they permit you, then fight (in the path of Allah), otherwise be devoted to them.")
If man cannot be good to the closest people to him, he cannot be good to anyone.
('A'ishah narrated that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: "The best of you is the best to his wives, and I am the best of you to my wives, and when your companion dies, leave him alone.")
Consider this example which I mention repeatedly: When someone has the driving exam, he is asked to do the most difficult things in driving, like driving the car in reverse gear on a twisty course, or driving on a course full of signs, so if he misses one sign, he will lose points, but if this driver manages to do all that, everything else in driving will be easy for him.
Much in the same line, the Prophet PBUH considered being disciplined at home not outside it a true sign of man's preference, but why did he do that? It is because inside the house no one is watching and whatever man does will not affect his reputation, so man has no fears that he will look bad in the eyes of people. Accordingly, being perfect at home is the absolute perfection man can achieve, and he will fulfill his mission towards his family thereby as the Hadith instructed:
(All of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects.)
You should not assume that you are exempted from your responsibilities towards your wife and children before Allah. If the society suffers corruption, you cannot relinquish your responsibilities, because of the prevailing evil, and you will not be pardoned from them. Also, if the schools are not providing their pupils with the right guidance, this will not pardon you from your responsibilities towards your children, because you will be called to account on the Day of Resurrection for them. Well, raising children in a corrupted society is much harder than raising them in a good society; however, your reward is as great as the efforts you pay.
I mention this Hadith to tell you that when we apply Islam in our houses and at work, we will fulfill our responsibilities, and this is within our scope. In other words, we are assigned to these responsibilities (within our scope) and we will be held accountable for them before Allah the Almighty.
In fact, if we fulfill this least responsibility we are assigned to, Allah the Almighty will take care of arranging the matters beyond our scope (like bringing rain because this is beyond our scope as human beings), and this is the rational thing to say. Allah the Almighty says:
(Verily! Allah will not change the good condition of a people as long as they do not change their state of goodness themselves﴿
I repeat:
(All of you are guardians.)
Man is always a guardian of someone except in very rare cases like when man is insane. If man loses his reason, he is pardoned from his responsibly. On the other side, as long as man is sane, he is responsible. The son, for example, is responsible for his father's money, because in some cases there are children who waste their fathers' money. Thus, the son is responsible for using it wisely, lest he is considered irresponsible, and the father will not be able to pay the power bills, because this son betrays the trust. Hence, the son has responsibly as well.
1- Wives are responsible:
(A woman who stays at home to look after her children will be with me in Paradise.)
Man should never neglect what Allah assigned him to do and long for higher goals he is not assigned to achieve. The woman is assigned to look after her husband and children and to meet their needs by serving meals, cleaning clothes and keeping the house warm and comfortable. This is the woman's assignment given to her by Allah. If she neglects it and long for another goal, things will get out of hand, given warding off badness precedes bringing about goodness.
Though these ideas might seem simple, they are very crucial. If man is happy at home, he will be productive at work. When the wife prepares a comfortable environment for her husband, when she meets his needs and when she keeps the house tidy and organized, her husband's production will be doubled at work. It is said, "There is a devoted wife behind every successful man", and this is true to a certain point.
2- Men are responsible:
(…the man is a guardian of his family)
"Family" does not refer only to the wife, but it refers to the children. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, ﴿
The father is a guardian over his son as long as he is young, and he is demanded to raise him and spend on his needs. Later on, the father will become old, so the son will become a guardian over his father in honoring him and meeting his needs. Hence, when one of your parents resides with you in his/her old age, he/she will become your responsibility and you will be held accountable for. Every man then is responsible for his parents, children and wife. He should be generous with them, because stinginess corrupts relations. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ And whosoever is saved from his own covetousness, such are they who will be the successful. ﴿
Your assignment towards your family is to spend on them and to teach them their religion. Spending on them will make them grateful to you. Allah the Almighty said in Qudsi Hadith:
(O Dawood, remind My servants of My Blessings, as souls are molded to like the benevolent and hate the hurtful.)
When the son feels how keen his father is on meeting his needs, he will love him wholeheartedly, and teaching him his religion will become easier to the father. Thus, the first thing you should do while dealing with your children is to spend on them, and then to teach them Islam and encourage them to offer good deeds. I know some fathers who train their children at their early age to spend on the weak, to be benevolent to the orphan, to donate, to be dutiful to their parents and to maintain kin ties. The father will do all that when he is close to Allah the Almighty.
The father, who wants his son to become as successful as he is in his commerce, he usually allows him to accompany him in his travels in order to teach him business at early age, and he teaches him how to check in a hotel and how to meet other managers. As for the believing father, he teaches his son the Noble Quran at an early age, he raises him in order to attain Prophetic conducts, he instills love to the Prophet PBUH in his heart, he encourages him to seek religious knowledge and he gives him the opportunity to meet notable scholars in order to become familiar with them. On the other hand, some fathers tend to warn their children and to put some limits.
As I see it, giving children the ability to be self-deterrent is much better than preventing them from this thing or that one, because this method may backfire, and the child will become an easy prey for seduction. Teaching him the religious knowledge, leveling with his reason and giving him an exalted environment is much better than suppressing him. Suppressing method may lead to grave deviation, whereas fortifying him from inside by religious knowledge will provide him with restraints against any temptation.
Ali, may Allah honor his face, said, "Knowledge is better than wealth, for knowledge guards you while you have to guard wealth. Knowledge increases the actions, but wealth gradually decreases as it is spent." " Our era is full of temptations and it will be hard for the youth to establish a house or to get married due to the high prices of everything. Thus, the father who helps his son get married within his abilities, will be rewarded abundantly by Allah. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope. ﴿
The fathers who strive to help their children get married and preserve their chastity are heroes. Doing this is one of the most exalted deeds. The youth in our era are in need of their fathers' help, so fathers should make getting their children married as their top priority. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) ﴿
Al-Ayyem is the single man who has no wife or the single woman who has no husband. The Divine Order in the previous Allah is clear, and it is the proof that we should help the youth get married by facilitating the means to achieve that. Hence, it does not matter if the house is small or if it is far from the city. Even one room will be enough for a start, so families should not ask the one who proposes to their daughter for things beyond his scope. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ But I intend not to place you under a difficulty. If Allah will, you will find me one of the righteous." ﴿
Hence, fathers should not burden the betrothed beyond his scope when he asks for their daughter's hand, and this will facilitate marriages and the Ayah will be applied thereby:
﴾ And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) ﴿
The man should feed his children from the same food he eats, should clothe them from the same quality of clothes he wears, should give them good names and should choose a religious mother for them. These are some of the children's rights upon their father.
Choosing a religious mother is essential, because children are closer to their mothers ten times more than they are to their fathers. There are social problems in the society that are manifested in the refusal of the father to get their daughters married. The fathers reject the proposers, because they are poor, and they wait for the rich men in order to have a prestigious marriage until the daughter gets old and becomes a spinster. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ And force not your maids to prostitution, if they desire chastity﴿
A father like that causes harm to his daughters by keeping them without marriage until they get old. This may incite the women's desires and she may sin. If they sin, it will be the fathers' fault.
I was impressed by an article I read few days ago by a female writer. She wrote: "Take all my scientific degrees and give me a husband". The woman needs to be a mother in order to fulfill this instinct which is installed in her, given this need tops all other needs. Actually, raising a child gives a meaning to woman's life, so fathers should not prevent their daughters from getting married.
Some fathers spend their life abroad, their daughters might not get engaged if they stay there, and this may make them morally deviated. . Being successful did not prevent some fathers I know from packing and turning back from the west to their home country for the sake of their daughters' future. After all, man lives to fulfill a mission, and his sons and daughters are a crucial part of this mission.
3- Women are responsible:
(…the woman is guardian in her husband's house and responsible for her wards)
Female companions, may Allah be pleased with them all, used to serve their husbands, raise their children, manage their houses and even help their husbands in their jobs. These virtues they attained were due to their devotion and sacrifices.
A female companion used to say to her husband whenever he wanted to go to work, "Fear Allah in what you earn, for we are able to tolerate hunger, but we cannot tolerate the consequences of gaining unlawful money (Haram)".
The true believing woman does not burden her husband beyond his abilities, but rather she is moderate in her demands, she is low-maintenance person and she does not ask for what he cannot afford in order not to embarrass him or follow unlawful ways to bring her money. Furthermore, the believing woman never pushes her husband to be undutiful to his parents, her demands are affordable and her goodness is great. In fact, if a woman fulfills her assignment, she will enter Allah's Paradise.
Dear brothers, death is the only obstacle between the believing woman and Paradise, so when she dies she will be admitted to Paradise, because she prays, fasts, guards her honor and obeys her husband.
It is said, "The woman follows her husband", which means that generally speaking women are biddable and emotional. Had it not been for these two characteristics, most of marriages would have ended. The wife is proud to give the final decision to her husband and to live under his care and protection. The husband, on the other hand, is cut out to lead and to be the head of the family. Giving the final decision to the husband is one of the substantial graces of Allah upon the woman, because upon obeying Allah and obeying her husband, the wife will enter Allah's Paradise. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones ﴿
This is a key Ayah, given the Quran is very precise:
﴾ Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones ﴿
It means that you are responsible for your family. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones ﴿
Hence, being biddable and emotional is something installed in women.
(…the woman is guardian in her husband's house and responsible for her wards)
The believing woman should beautify herself to her husband, and she should guard her honor, her husband's money and her children. Only death keeps such a woman, who fulfills her assignment, from entering Paradise, which means that she is almost there.
Men should not assume that they have all the rights and women do not have any. Allah the Almighty says in this respect:
﴾ And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable﴿
Marital bliss can be attained by acting reasonably and rationally. The woman loves her mother just like her husband who loves his, so how come he demands her to be dutiful to his mother, while he mistreats hers. Life does not work that way, and acting like so is unacceptable. Due to this contradictory behavior of the husband, marriage will not remain solid, and it will be easy to be torn apart, because the husband opposes the human's nature. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable﴿
In another Ayah, Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ So their Lord accepted of them (their supplication and answered them), "Never will I allow to be lost the work of any of you, be he male or female.﴿
Some men are racist, and they assume that their nature is better than women's. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam)﴿
Man and woman are molded from the same nature; they are both assigned by Allah the Almighty to believe in Him and to fulfill the pillars of faith. Hence, you are equal to your wife in being honored and assigned by Allah.
In fact, if the wife is religiously knowledgeable, she will be aware of all her duties towards her husband, children and Lord. We pin our hopes on having more religious women who are able to manage life, because the children of a religious woman are happy kids since they grow up under the care and knowledge of their mother.
(It was narrated from 'Urwah bin Zubair, that 'Aishah said: "Blessed is the One Whose hearing encompasses all things. I heard some of the words of Khawlah bint Tha'labah, but some of her words were not clear to me, when she complained to the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) about her husband, and said: 'O Messenger of Allah, (PBUH) he has consumed my youth and I split my belly for him (i.e., bore him many children), but when I grew old and could no longer bear children he declared Zihar upon me; O Allah, I complain to You. I have children from him whom if I leave them to him to take care of, they may get deviated, and if I keep them with me, they may starve'.)
This means that the man is responsible for his family's sustenance.
The ignorant mother teaches her son lying by telling lies to his father in front of him, and she teaches him negligence by being negligent herself. Not to mention, the ignorant mother causes psychological complexes to her son by scaring him of bogyman or other dangerous things instead of teaching him how to follow Allah's Orders, to have Tawheed and to act upon the Noble Quran. Accordingly, we should be keen on teaching our daughters true Islam from the Quran and Sunnah, because they will be mothers in the future.
Falling short in teaching daughters the Islamic teachings and their duties towards their husbands and children will give the society ignorant women, which is enough reason to destroy thousands of families.
4- Servants are responsible:
(…a servant is guardian of his master's property and responsible for his ward)
Every institution has employees, and as one of its employees, you should be keen on your employer's money, because you are entrusted with it. Thus, the servant is guardian of his master's money, and he will be asked before Allah the Almighty whether he guards or wastes it.
Some workers mistreat customers or may dismiss tens of them in the absence of the store's owner, because they are lazy. Life cannot be right if there is no trust. On the other hand, the true believing worker is honest at work whether the owner is absent or not.
The son is responsible for his father's money. The main cause of domestic conflicts is the oppression the oldest brother practises against his brothers and sisters. After his father's death, he claims everything for himself, leaving nothing to the other members of the family. Also, males sometimes deny their sisters' rights upon their father's heritage, and they claim it all for themselves.
When an older brother violates the rights of his sisters or his younger siblings, endless hostilities take place. I know some unbelievable stories of enmities among the siblings due to rights violations, such as unfair distribution of the heritage. Hence, the son is responsible for his father's heritage, and he should give every member of his family his/her rights.
The following Ayah leaves people bewildered:
﴾ O you who believe! Verily, among your wives and your children there are enemies for you (i.e. may stop you from the obedience of Allah), therefore beware of them! But if you pardon (them) and overlook, and forgive (their faults), then verily, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. ﴿
One of the interpretations of this Ayah is that when man disobeys Allah in order to satisfy his wife and children, Allah the Almighty will reckon him severely on the Day of Resurrection. Disobeying Allah to satisfy your son or your wife will create enmity in the household instead of love.
Some men are willing to lose Paradise in order to satisfy their families by earning illegal money, by cheating and by lying. Let alone, they spend this money on sins and the vanity of life, whereas man is supposed to pay heed.
One last point about this Hadith:
The following Hadith has the solution for Muslims' problems, for the prevailing corruption and for dissoluteness. I wonder about the father whose daughter shows her beauty to strangers, how does he accept that? How could he allow her to walk like that in the streets? The Prophet PBUH said:
(All of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects. The ruler is a guardian and responsible for his subjects; the man is a guardian of his family; the woman is guardian in her husband's house and responsible for her wards; a servant is guardian of his master's property and responsible for his ward. So all of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects.)
Dear brothers, these are the words of the Messenger of Allah PBUH who never spoke of his own desire, but he conveyed the Divine Revelation. Scholars considered the Prophetic Ahadeeth the Divine Revelation that is not recited (whereas the Noble Quran is the Divine Revelation which is recited).
I am mentioning facts. Verify you will not gain happiness unless you are happy with your families, and this can be achieved by organizing your affairs at home and by applying Islam in it. Every Muslim is assigned to this responsibility, because having disciplined societies are based on having disciplined families.
This is a matter of fact: Righteous families will form righteous society, thus the least man can do is to look after his family and children. On the other hand, when there are violations at home, and there are means to corrupt family members, things will go out of hand. It is the responsibility of the father to apply Islam at home; otherwise Allah will afflict him with his family members in painful ways.
Giving unlimited freedom to the children brings about sins and other matters which do not please Allah the Almighty. In this case, the older the children get, the more arrogant and disobedient they will become to their parents. Having undutiful and non-religious children breaks parents' heart and buries them in grieve.
These facts are derived from experience. You will not gain happiness unless you are happy with your wife, sons and daughters. You will not feel stable unless you apply Islam at home. Having a disciplined and religiously committed household requires striving, benevolence, endurance, time, awareness and planning.
The members of families, who apply Islam, look up to exalted examples (like the companions), not to actors and actresses. Talking about celebrities, about their appearances and about their parties and lifestyle will bring about improper ideas to the family members which do not befit a Muslim. You should block all that and set exalted standards at home. By doing that, your son will sublime, will be encouraged towards goodness and will become as you want him to be.
Happiness is a whole, so it is not enough to be happy in Masjid, in being religious and in being guided to Allah, for one should also be happy with his family members, and this goal is achieved by applying Islam at home with wisdom and fair preaching.
Bear in mind that Allah addresses the Prophet PBUH, who is the Master of mankind, the beloved to Al-Haqq (Allah the Truth), the infallible and the one who was honored with the night journey to Bait Al-Maqdis and to the seventh Heaven, by saying to him:
﴾ And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you; so pass over (their faults), and ask (Allah's) Forgiveness for them; and consult them in the affairs.﴿
I was moved by a story a brother told me. That brother used to work in gulf area as a teacher, and the janitor at that school was Asian. One of the teachers gave him once a cup of tea which was a surprise to him, because usually janitors are not noticed or greeted by others at all. The janitor asked, "Why did you give me this cup of tea while others do not even greet me?" The teacher said, "You are a brother to me in humanity, and you were tired."
The pagan janitor wanted to learn more about the teacher's religion (Islam). He had a collage degree in biology, but because of poverty he came to the gulf area to work for trivial salary. The teachers introduced this janitor to Islam from the early morning till 12 at noon for five days, explaining the Noble Quran and Islamic Aqidah to him till he embraced Islam.
In order to call people to Allah, you should be kind to others, you should respect them and you should be wise and humane.
Da'wah (calling to people) requires softness, respecting the other party, kindness, extreme prudence and human values, because the other party (whom you would like to call to Allah the Almighty) is a human being who has dignity and sentiments, so you should take this into consideration. Actually, when you consider others' feelings, when you are benevolent to them, when you are humble towards them and when you are kind to them, you will cause goodness that only Allah knows. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ Invite (mankind, O Muhammad) to the Way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom (i.e. with the Divine Inspiration and the Qur'an) and fair preaching﴿
Helping someone might affect him more than a lecture. Smiling to your employee, making him forget about the huge difference between you and him will sooth his heart and you will gain his loyalty. A smile or a good word might make a difference.
The true believer is wise, so it is easy for him to win hearts due to his wisdom, modesty and caring for others. If you see a man with bandage on his arm, ask him about it and then make Du'a to Allah for him to get a full recovery. This will not cost you anything, but it shows your care and love to that man.
We need to be as one, for a faithful believer to a faithful believer is like the bricks of a wall, enforcing each other. It brings happiness to my heart to care for believers in general not only to the ones who come to the Masjid, for we should not be narrow-minded. The believers love, cooperate with, communicate with and visit one another. This pleases Allah the Almighty.
Dear brothers, Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ Invite (mankind, O Muhammad PBUH) to the Way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom (i.e. with the Divine Inspiration and the Qur'an) and fair preaching﴿
It was reported that "Whoever enjoins Ma'ruf (Whatever is good), let him do that by being kind." Furthermore, a moral stance is more affective than 50 lectures about morals. In addition, man achieves more goals by righteousness, benevolence and good words than the goals he achieves by cruelty and violence. The Prophet PBUH said:
(Instruct others and do not rebuke them, because the instructor is better than the rebuker.)
Every lecture has a controlling idea, and today's idea is our responsibility before Allah for our homes, wives, children and youth. We should look after them when they are young, so that they will become obedient to Allah when they get older. The results of neglecting them at an early age are disastrous. Let alone, the neglected child will bring sadness to the father's heart if he becomes corrupted and too old to be guided. This bitterness is known only by those who tasted it. Entire families are torn apart, because of one corrupted son.
I want to address those who have recently got married. Your children are your trust, so raise them according to Islam and instill the love of Allah and His Messenger PBUH in their hearts. For instance, take your child to the Masjid with you, let him get used to the Noble Quran recitation and encourage him to be a regular attendant of the religious sessions there, so that you will be in control of him.
We are responsible for our families, and when families become righteous, the entire society will become righteous, but when we neglect our families and when we use violent means to control them, this will not please Allah the Almighty. Family members and relatives are entitled to our kindness, guidance and care more than anyone else.
