- Islamic Fiqh / Family relations
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- Marriage
Important rules to keep the continuity of marriage:
Dear brother, this is lesson number 7 of the series Az-Zawaj (Marriage). In this lesson we are going to highlight that what really matters is not only to marry a young man to a woman, but also to protect the household from corruption.
1- Abiding by Allah's Shari'ah (Islamic laws):
There are needs which make man get married, and there are rules to preserve marriage from being corrupted. I told you in previous lectures about the high rates of divorce in the western countries which exceeds 60 % in some countries, and it is 30 % in sh3er. Praise be to Allah, in our country the rate of divorce is not more than 3 in 1000, and this indicates that the main factor of having marital stability and bliss is abiding by Sahri'ah.
Let me elaborate this point by giving you an example. If we want to build the infrastructure of a house, we need enough concrete which is in very good shape and enough iron that accords with the construction standards in order to maintain the building and protect it from collapsing. On the other hand, if neither enough concrete nor enough iron is added and no plummet is used in the constructing process, this building will demolish sooner or later. The same goes for marriage, for if marriage is built on obeying Allah, then it has the factors which guarantee its continuity, but if it is based on disobeying Allah, it has the factors of being sabotaged from within. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ Surely! Batil is ever bound to vanish." ﴿
Al-Batil (falsehood) is contrary to Al-Haqq (the truth), so abandoning Allah's Method in any action will lead to destruction. Thus, if you want your marriage to be successful, apply Allah's Method, if you want your commerce to thrive, apply Allah's Method and if you want your partnership to continue, apply Allah's Method, for when you apply Allah's Method in any matter of your life, you are putting forth the reasons of its continuity and stability. Today's lesson is about the continuity of marriage. Allah the Almighty says in the Noble Quran:
﴾And stay in your houses, and do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance ﴿
2- The wife is allowed to go out of her house only for necessities:
This means that the natural place for the woman is her house, and in her house she does the most crucial mission ever. As you know, the natural place for the pilot of the aircraft is the cockpit behind the steering wheel, where all the gauges are in front of him, and he is in continuous communication with the Air Traffic Control. In this case, he is the one who does the most crucial job on the plane, but if he thinks for one second that staying in the cockpit will limit his freedom, and that he should get out of it, he will cause the death of the passengers. Much in the same line, if the woman thinks for one second that staying at home will limit her freedom, she adopts the thoughts of Jahiliyah (dark ages) of the 20st century. Keep in mind that staying at home does not mean in any way that the woman should stop learning, for some people mistakenly connect between the two things.
((It was related by Hisham bin Ammar, that Hafs bin Sulaiman narrated that Kuthair bin Shizeer narrated that Muhammad bin Sireen narrated on the authority of Anas bin Malik that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: "Seeking knowledge is a duty upon every Muslim, and he who imparts knowledge to those who do not deserve it, is like one who puts a necklace of jewels, pearls and gold around the neck of swines."))
This goes for every Muslim whether male or female. Hence, the woman should learn her religion at home, learn the Quran, learn Sunnah of the Prophet PBUH and learn Fiqh (jurisprudence) rulings in order to fulfill her mission and to know the rights of her husband and her children upon her. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ And stay in your houses, and do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance ﴿
In fact, this Ayah does not prevent woman from going out of her house, but rather it implies that she can go out for necessities, like visiting her family, her relatives or going to the doctor. However, she should abide by the following Ayah:
﴾And do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance ﴿
Ibn Kuthair said in interpreting this Ayah, "Stay at home, and do not go out of it unless there is a certain need."
When the woman devotes herself to her husband, children and household, she is investing her energy in a good way instead of wasting it, simply because she is serving society by raising her children properly to be active individuals, and she is helping her husband to have peace of mind and be more energetic at work since she gives him good environment at home. This is the Divine Method decreed for the marital system, and it is based entirely on the wife's devotion to her children's upbringing. I told you before the story of the woman who complained to Allah, and Allah heard her complaint from above the seven heavens:
((It was narrated from 'Urwah bin Zubair, that 'Aishah said: "Blessed is the One Whose hearing encompasses all things. I heard some of the words of Khawlah bint Tha'labah, but some of her words were not clear to me, when she complained to the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) about her husband, and said: 'O Messenger of Allah, (PBUH) he has consumed my youth and I split my belly for him (i.e., bore him many children), but when I grew old and could no longer bear children he declared Zihar upon me; O Allah, I complain to You.' She continued to complain until Jibra'il brought down these Verses: 'Indeed Allah has heard the statement of she who pleads with you (O Muhammad PBUH) concerning her husband, and complains to Allah"))
﴾And stay in your houses,﴿
This is a Divine Order which entails obligation. In other words, the woman should devote herself to her children and her husband, because when she does not (and work instead), she will lose them and will take a job opportunity of a man, making him jobless, and so he will not be able to afford marriage, and in this case another woman will not find a husband. Furthermore, when she works in a mixed-gender environment she might corrupt men, because instinctively she is endeared to them:
﴾ And stay in your houses,﴿
As I have mentioned earlier, Ibn Kuthair said in interpreting this Ayah, "Stay at home, and do not go out of it unless there is a certain need", whereas Abu Bakr Al-Jassas said, "This Ayah implies that women are ordered to stay at home, and they are forbidden from going out". In other words, the woman's perfection is derived from being devoted to her husband and children. It was reported in the Islamic relic:
((The woman who stays at home to look after her children is with me in Al-Jannah (Paradise).))
Moreover, it was reported that the Prophet PBUH mentioned the woman who devotes herself to her children after her husband's death as follows:
((The first one who opens the gate of Paradise is me, but there will be a woman who struggles with me to enter Paradise before me. Then I say, "O Jibril, who is she?" He said, "She is a woman whose husband died and left children behind, so she refused to remarry because of her children (she prefers raising her children to getting married.))
When the woman fulfills her duty towards her husband and children, she will acquire a very high rank which is known only by Allah, and the woman who looks after her husband and children is a righteous woman (Siddeeqah). On the other hand, the woman who neglects her house in order to work is actually neglecting the main mission she is created to fulfill. In doing that she will be like the physician who neglects his patients in order to read newspapers and magazines until he masters that and becomes a reference in it, only he is not credited for that, but why? Because he neglects his main major, ignores his patients and spends his time in something he does not master in the first place. Some people might say, "The order in the following Ayah is addressed only to the wives of the Prophet PBUH."
﴾ And stay in your houses,﴿
The answer to such a question is very simple; since the wives of the Prophet PBUH were ordered to stay in their houses, given they are the chaste, the pure and the righteous, the Muslim women are demanded with greater reason to do the same (because they will not be more chaste, purer or more righteous than the wives of the Prophet PBUH). To make this point clear, consider the case of the first student in his class; if you ask him to study well, this order with greater reason is meant to include other students (whose level is less than his). Much in the same line, any order that is addressing the wives of the Prophet PBUH is with greater reason addressing the rest of Muslim women. There are other Ayat which indicate the same point:
﴾O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers﴿
The main Ayah in this regard is the following:
﴾So stand (ask Allah to make) you (Muhammad PBUH) firm and straight (on the religion of Islamic Monotheism) as you are commanded and those (your companions) who turn in repentance (unto Allah) with you﴿
The rule in this matter is mentioned in the following Hadith:
((On the authority of Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him): The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "…And verily Allah has commanded the believers to do that which He has commanded the Messengers….))
This Ayah implies that Muslim women are ordered to stay in their houses, and they are forbidden from going out without necessity. Scholars made it clear that this order (of staying at home for women) addresses all Muslim women. Imam Al-Qurtubi said in interpreting this Ayah, "The meaning of this Ayah is that women should stay in their houses."
Some psychologists shed light on the concept of femininity indicating that as long as the woman stays at home, she keeps her feminine side sparkling, but when she goes out and mingles with men, she will act like men and loses her femininity which is the most beautiful thing in her. In other words, when she acts, talks, stares and comments like men, and she interferes in sh3er' businesses, she will lose the most beautiful trait in her which is her femininity. It was reported in the relic that "Among the Signs of the Hour will be the removal of Allah's Blessing from earth, the removal of mercy and justice from rulers, the removal of chivalry from men and the removal of modesty from women."
Dear brother, this Divine Order does not mean in any way that the woman should not leave the house entirely, but it implies that the basic thing for a woman is to stay at home, and that going out is allowed for urgent matters. However, the majority of women do the other way around as they consider that going out of the house is the basic thing, which is a big mistake. Hence, women are allowed to go out of the house provided:
﴾And do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance ﴿
The evidence which proves the importance of staying at home is that the woman is exempted from performing Friday prayer in congregation. The Prophet PBUH said:
((Jabir bin 'Abdullah narrated that the Prophet PBUH said: "Friday Prayer is obligatory on the person who believes in Allah and the Last Day unless it is a woman, a traveller, a slave or a sick man. Whoever skips it for entertainment or commerce, Allah will abandon him, and Allah is Rich (Free of all wants), and Worthy of all praise."))
Friday prayer is very sacred in the Muslim's life, and it is the act of worship upon neglecting which a black spot grows in the Muslim's heart until all his heart becomes black. Moreover, Friday prayer is a weekly spiritual charging for the Muslim (given the five daily prayers are the daily five spiritual charging between every two prayers like between Fajr and Zuhr, Zuhr and Asr, Asr and Maghrib, Maghrib and Ishaa' and Ishaa' and Fajr). Actually, when the Muslim attends Friday prayer with a sincere intention, he will be positively affected by it, and this effect will last till the next Friday prayer. Thus, its effect is long. The effects of other acts of worship last for different periods of time; Ramadan is an annual spiritual charging, and Al-Hajj charges the Muslim spiritually once in his lifetime until his death. Hence, the more concentrated the act of worship is the longer its effect will last, and so Al-Hajj has the longest effect since it takes several weeks, it needs travelling, it needs devotion and leaving the country… etc.
((It was narrated from Umm Humaid, the wife of Abu Humaid al-Saa'idi, that she came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: "O Messenger of Allaah, I love to pray with you." He said: "I know that you love to pray with me, but your praying in your room is better for you than your praying in your house, and your praying in your house is better for you than your praying in your courtyard, and your praying in your courtyard is better for you than your praying in the mosque of your people, and your praying in the mosque of your people is better for you than your praying in my mosque." So she gave orders that a 'mosque' be built for her in the innermost and darkest part of her house, and she used to pray there until she met Allaah (i.e., died).))
This means that the woman is ordered to stay at home, because when she goes out, she might become a source of temptation for men, and this causes corruption for her and for sh3er.
The bad effects of going out of the house by the wife:
When the woman goes out of her house, most likely mischief will prevail if she makes going out of the house the basic thing. You all know that Allah the Almighty installed in every gender the love of the opposite gender, but this love should only exist within the framework of marriage through a lawful relation which brings fruitful result (i.e. children). Thus, this instinctive love should exist only in marital system which produces children as the fruits of that love. In contrast, if this love is not within the marital bond, it will lead to grave mischief. As you all know mischief by definition is to change the nature of matters, so when the woman loves a man other than her husband, the latter will inauthor her to leave her husband, to abandon her children and to end up divorced and cause harm therein.
According to Allah's Method, the wife should never love anyone other than her husband, and the husband should never love anyone other than his wife, and the proof is Allah's Order of lowering the gaze, of forbidding being in privacy with a strange woman (Khulwah) and of banning women from going out of the house (without necessity).
I am not exaggerating if I say that the main reason of the prevailing mischief in the western societies is going out of the house (by women). I have a relative who lives in Paris- France, and he told me that one night he woke up because of noises of gun shooting, and in the morning he was told that the wife of his neighbor worked in a company, and her husband found out that she was having an affair with the manager of the company, so out of instinct he killed her and killed her children, because he doubted that they might not be his children.
Due to the Fitrah installed in every human being, the husband never accepts that his wife has an affair with another man, and the same goes for the wife. This is Allah's Method. I invoke Allah the Almighty that He bestows abundant provision upon whoever intends to make his wife quit her job and spend her time at home applying by that Allah's Shari'ah. I think Allah will make this man dispense with the provision that comes from his wife's job. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ Men are the protectors and maintainers of women﴿
This rank that men have over their women (Qawamah) is justified in the following part of the Ayah:
﴾Because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. ﴿
If you (as a husband) is better than your wife regarding knowledge, piety and religiousness, and you spend on her, you acquire Qawamah, but if your piety is less than hers, your knowledge is less than hers, and she is the one who is spending on the household, then you do not acquire this Qawamah. Hence, Qawamah is based on having the preference in knowledge, expenditure and decision making, because marriage is an institute which needs a manager, a leader and a decision maker. This manager may consult his partner (i.e. the wife) as it is mentioned in the Quran.
3- It is deemed necessary to ask permission before entering houses:
Let us move to another factor which maintains a sound household; it is asking for permission before entering a house (or a room in the house). Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ O you who believe! Enter not houses other than your own, until you have asked permission and greeted those in them, that is better for you, in order that you may remember. ﴿
Greeting the people in the house comes after asking for their permission to enter it, and when they give this permission, affability occurs in both parties (i.e. the host and the visitors).
﴾Until you have asked permission and greeted those in them, that is better for you, in order that you may remember. ﴿
The conjunction between the cause and the effect means that when you ask for the permission of the owners of the house, you become affable yourself, and when they give you the permission to enter the house, they become affable too. Thus affability is mutual in this case, and asking for the permission is one of the good manners of the Muslim. Some people own poor religious information, so they enter the house directly without asking for permission, which is but ignorance, because man should ask for permission before entering a house:
﴾ O you who believe! Enter not houses other than your own, until you have asked permission and greeted those in them, that is better for you, in order that you may remember. ﴿
The wisdom behind asking permission is avoiding the glance; if someone enters a house without permission, he might see Awrah (something he is not permitted to see) of a member of the family. Thus, leave-taking prevents the stranger from seeing something he should not see. Hence, whoever intends to enter a house should ask for permission whether the door is open or closed. According to Ash-Share' the Muslim is required to close the door of his house, so if it is open unintentionally, this does not give visitors an open invitation to come in. Let me repeat this point, Share' orders the Muslim to close his door, so if you find it open, you should not come in without asking for permission.
Asking for permission is an obligation upon every Muslim adult who intends to enter the house where his mother, sister or daughter are, but he does not have to ask for permission if he enters a house where only his wife is in. Man usually might have a daughter, a mother, a sister or a wife, so if any of those, apart from his wife, are in the house, he should ask for permission before entering the house. Sometimes, the wife hosts a female guest like her sister, so the husband should ask for permission before entering the house out of social courtesy. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾And when the children among you come to puberty, then let them (also) ask for permission, as those senior to them (in age). ﴿
((Malik related to me from Safwan ibn Sulaym from Ata ibn Yasar that the Messenger of Allah PBUH was questioned by a man who said, "Messenger of Allah, shall I ask permission of my mother to enter?" He said, "Yes" The man said, "I live with her in the house". The Messenger of Allah PBUH said "Ask her permission." The man said, "I am her servant." The Messenger of Allah PBUH said, "Ask her permission. Do you want to see her naked?" He said, "No." He said, "Then ask her permission."))
A young woman might be changing her cloths, and her brother should not see her in that position, so he should ask for permission before entering her room. Likewise, the sister is supposed to ask permission before entering her brother's room. Also, the father is supposed to ask for the permission before he enters his daughter's room. These are the Islamic manners, and their purpose is to prevent man from glancing at something he should not see, and the Prophetic Hadith is very clear in this regard.
There are rare cases about shameful relations between the brother and his sister, and they occur due to abandoning this ruling (i.e. asking for permission). When the father becomes aware of such relations, definitely he will be in excruciating pain. Hence, when the brother or the sister does not ask for permission before entering each other's room, great mischief will be caused, given the purpose of asking the permission is to avoid man's forbidden look (from seeing something unpleasant). Even the woman should ask for permission before entering another woman's room.
((Ibn Hatim narrated that Umm Ghiyath said, "We were four women asking for permission to enter A'ishah's room, may Allah be pleased with her, so I asked, "Should we enter?" She replied, "No, you should not." Then another woman said, "As-Salamu Alaikum, should we enter?" She said, "Yes!" Then A'ishah reauthord to that believing woman: "O you who believe! Enter not houses other than your own, until you have asked permission and greeted those in them, that is better for you, in order that you may remember."
Asking for permission is a manner that you should follow even in your house. Of course you do not have to ask for permission to enter your wife's room, but as for your mother, sister, daughter or aunt, you should ask for permission before entering their room though they are your Maharem (plural of Muhram: unmarriageable relatives). As for strange women, you should not look at them nor should you meet them in privacy. Islam obliges Muslims to ask for permission before entering their parents' room on three occasions. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ O you who believe! Let your legal slaves and slave-girls, and those among you who have not come to the age of puberty ask your permission (before they come to your presence) on three occasions; before Fajr (morning) prayer, and while you put off your clothes for the noonday (rest), and after the 'Isha' (late-night) prayer. (These) three times are of privacy for you, other than these times there is no sin on you or on them to move about, attending (helping) you each other.﴿
The purpose is very clear in the Ayah, and the permission in these cases is an obligation, so that you will not see something looking at which does not please Allah. This manner is deemed important in households, for there should be discipline in the Muslim's house and in the way the members of the family are dressed inside the house. When the sister is with her brother at home, she should be dressed in a house dress which she wears indoors, and which is modest. Well, it is fine if the dress has short sleeves, but it should cover the chest and should be long enough to cover the knees.
When the mother dresses indecently in front of her sons, the sister dresses indecently in front of her father or the brother wanders around in his underwear, they are committing something forbidden, given dressing modestly is the Islamic manner that should be followed, and if the family members do not follow this manner, mischief will take place in the household.
Among the Islamic manners of asking for permission is refraining from insisting on taking that permission. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ And if you find no one therein, still, enter not until permission has been given. And if you are asked to go back, go back, for it is purer for you, and Allah is All-Knower of what you do. ﴿
Before I carry on with this point, I would like to remind you of a rule that is followed by the officers of the criminal security department, which goes as follows, "Behind every crime there is a woman", and by adjusting this rule a little bit, we can say, "Behind every domestic conflict there is a sin." Behind every domestic problem, which emerges, appears or erupts, there is a disobedience to Allah, so in order to avoid troubles in your household, you should be obedient to Allah the Almighty.
Asking for permission should not be more than three times:
One should not be persistent to get the permission. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ And if you find no one therein, still, enter not until permission has been given. And if you are asked to go back, go back, for it is purer for you, and Allah is All-Knower of what you do. ﴿
Sometimes a man calls and says, "I am coming", but upon apologizing to him because you are busy with another appointment, he gets angry. Well, he should not be angry, for why does he call you in the first place? When you call someone in order to visit him, and he apologizes to you, because he is busy, you should not get angry. Also, if you ask someone for his permission to enter, and he declines, you should not be angry, for he might be changing his cloths. Therefore, it is out of an Islamic manner to ask for permission, and in case you are not permitted, you should not get angry, for this is the point in asking for permission.
Some people ask for permission without meaning it, but the Muslim should mean it, he should not get angry when the other man refuses to give him the permission and he should keep in mind that it is not part of the Islamic manner to insist on having that permission. Thus, ask for permission, and if you are allowed, then enter, but if you are not allowed, you should not enter. Believe me, this happens all the time, for some people insist on getting the permission, and they repeatedly knock on the door.
Scholars said, "The companions used to ask permission to enter the Prophet's house by tapping with their nails on his door", so you should not be persistent when you knock on your brother's front door, for he may just start offering Salah Zuhr by saying Allahu Akbar at the same moment you knock on his door, so if you continue knocking on the door, he will be distracted in his Salah. The Islamic manner teaches us to wait (when we knock on the door), for a period of time which equals the time a four Rak'at prayer takes, then one can knock for a second time or for a third time. However, some people are fond of keep knocking or ringing the front door's bell and this is against Share'.
((Abu Musa Al-Ash'ari (may Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "Permission is to be sought thrice. If it is accorded, you may enter; otherwise, go back."))
Imam Malik said, "Permission is to be sought thrice, and it is not recommended to seek more, unless one knows for sure that the owner of the house does not hear him. In such a case, it is fine to seek permission more than three times."
As you know sometimes the house might be spacious, and you are almost sure that no one heard your knocking, so you can repeat knocking on the door in order to get permission.
Getting the permission with having a reason that prevents you from getting in:
There are cases when you are allowed to enter a house, only you should not. For instance, when you knock on your friend's door and ask about him, but his wife told you that he is not at home, and she invites you in to wait for him, you do not have the right to enter his house even though you get the permission.
((A man is not alone with a woman but the third of them is Ash-Shaitan.))
The wise Share' forbids a man from entering a house wherein there is a strange woman without Muhram of hers.
Sometimes, the husband's sister in law comes from a very far place while he is alone at home, so he should not be embarrassed if he tells her that her sister (i.e. his wife) is not at home, because he is not allowed to let her in while he is alone at home. He can honor her by asking her in, and then he leaves the house, especially if she comes from a very far place. He can ask her to wait for her sister inside the house, and he leaves it, but welcoming her and staying at home alone with her is forbidden. Also, it is forbidden for a woman to allow her husband's friend to enter the house in her husband's absence, and even if she gives him the permission, this friend should not enter, and he has no right to do so. Furthermore, entering the house (in this case) is considered a major sin.
(('Uqbah bin 'Amir (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "Avoid (entering a place) in which are women (uncovered or simply to mix with them in seclusion)." A man from the Ansar said, "Tell me about the brother of a woman's husband." He replied, "The brother of a woman's husband is death."))
The in laws are the relatives of the husband, so if the wife's brother in law wants to visit his brother, and he is not there, he has no right to enter his house. The Prophet PBUH was clear about the reason behind forbidding staying with a strange woman in private, and a strange woman does not refer to the foreign women, but it includes the women you are not allowed to be alone with, like your sister in law. According to Islam, the strange woman is not the non-Muslim foreign woman, but she is the Muslim woman with whom you are not allowed to stay alone like your sister in law, and the same goes for the brother in law, for he is a stranger to the wife.
((In Musnad Ahmad, Jabir bin Abdullah reported that the Prophet PBUH said: "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not meet a woman in privacy unless she is accompanied by a Mahram (i.e., a relative within the prohibited degrees), for a man is not alone with a woman but the third of them is Ash-Shaitan."))
The Prophet PBUH related the soundness of man's faith to refraining from staying alone with a strange woman. Therefore, when you are a true believer you should not do that. Actually, if you trace back the reasons behind honor crimes, infidelity, dislodgment or arbitrary divorces, you will be shocked, because all these cases are results of opposing Allah's Orders and Prohibitions which are from the Creator of man, and man should respect the Instructions of the Creator.
Imam Ash-Shawkani said, "The reason of prohibition as it is mentioned in the Prophetic Hadith is that the Shaitan is the third of them, and being with them means that he will tempt both of them to commit the major sin."
I once mentioned a scientific fact in this regard, which is that when a man is alone with a strange woman his brain discharges a substance which deactivates his reason. Hence, being alone with a strange woman causes a big problem since man is tempted to commit the major sin. Therefore, you are prohibited not only from committing it, but also from whatever leads to it. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. ﴿
When man takes the first step, he will not stop until he reaches the end. His situation will be like the one of a big rock on top of a hill; if you give it a little push, it will not stop until it reaches the bottom of the hill. Hence, matters related to women are very crucial, and the Prophet PBUH said:
((Women are the nets of Satan.))
It was reported that Shaitan watches man and lurks, and one of the most effective traps for men are women, so the believer should fear Allah whenever he deals with them.
((Abu Sa'id Al-Khudri (may Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, "The life of the world is sweet and green. Allah makes you generations succeeding one another so that He may try you in respect of your actions. So beware of the beguilements of the world and those of women. The first trial of Banu Israel was through women".))
Our master Umar bin Abdul Aziz said to Maimoon bin Mahran, "Do not sit in privacy with a strange woman even if you intend to teach her the Quran." Is there any nobler reason than this? Yet, you are not allowed to be alone with a strange woman even if you intend to do that in order to teach her the Nobel Quran.
It is prohibited to spy on sh3er' houses:
The Muslim is prohibited from glancing at sh3er' houses. Some houses are close to one another, so if your neighbor's house is very close, and people at night open windows, it is absolutely forbidden to glance at their house. This is related to lowering gaze which in turn is an act of sincerity since glancing is not forbidden by law, but it is forbidden by the Creator of this universe. Hence, when someone lowers his gaze, he proves that he fears Allah the Almighty and seeks His pleasure.
((Sahl b. Sa'd as-Sa'idi reported by Imam Muslim that a person peeped through the hole of the door of Allah's Messenger (PBUH) and he had with him some pointed thing with which he had been adjusting (the hair of his head). Allah's Messenger (PBUH) said to him: If I were to know that you had been peeping. I would have thrust it in your eyes. Allah has prescribed seeking permission because of protection against glance.))
The one, who spies on his neighbor, peeps through keyholes, uses a telescope, stands in balconies navigating sh3er' houses or goes up to the roof in order to glance at people's Awrat, is actually committing a big crime, and according to the Prophetic Sunnah he deserves to have his eyes gouged out. Imam An-Nawawi commented on this Hadith:
((…Allah has prescribed seeking permission because of protection against glance.))
When you do that, you are canceling the entire permission asking. Hence, peeping through keyholes, looking through open windows, spying from balconies or roofs and following people's Awrat by using the telescope is absolutely forbidden. Of course the Hadith does not mean that you literally gouge out his eyes, but it is a clear indication to the crucial nature of such a crime, for the Prophet PBUH did not do it (i.e. gouging someone's eyes), and he would never do it, but his words reflect the grave nature of the crime of spying on people and peeping to look at sh3er' Awrat, which is forbidden in Share'.
((Abu Hurairah reported having heard Allah's Messenger (PBUH) say: "He who peeped into the house of people without their consent, it is permissible for them to put out his eyes."))
As I have just mentioned, this punishment is for the purpose of showing the cruelty of this crime. The believer has benign conducts for which he is known, because he fears Allah the Almighty, and he has modesty. By Allah, I know very pious brother who consider being in the elevator with a woman a Khulwah, so they wait until the woman goes up then they use it. This is but the nature of the pious people, and for this very reason the Prophet PBUH forbade pigeon keeping if the purpose is flying them for fun.
((Narrated Abu Hurairah: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) saw a man pursuing a pigeon. He said: "A devil is pursuing a female devil."))
Where does he pursue this pigeon from? He does so from the roof, where he can navigate sh3er' houses and see Awrat of people. Pigeon keeping is forbidden, because it compromises Muslims' Awrat, and it is one of the pressing needs which justify permission taking. Furthermore, judge Shuraih refused the testimony of the one who raises and keeps pigeons, because while flying them and having fun with them, he may see other people's Awrat from the roof of his house.
As for Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim, he said, "Those who keep pigeons to fly them for fun and playing should be prevented from doing that." This means that they are to be rebuked in public. Of course this hobby is forbidden in Islam, because it compromises Muslims' Awrat.
Next lecture insha' Allah (if Allah wills), I will tackle the manners spouses (the husband and the wife) should follow in order to maintain the sacredness of the household. We are discussing the factors which keep the marriage stable and continuous, because getting married is easy, but keeping this marriage sound needs requirements and going easy on these requirements will sabotage the marital relation.
I invoke Allah the Almighty that every believer becomes aware of these facts, because they are known by Fitrah, given man's sound faith and the purity of his heart oblige him to follow these advises, and even though he may not know them, he is able to discover them by his Fitrah.
A question and an answer:
Question:
Is it recommended for the husband to ask the permission of his wife before entering the house in order not to startle her?
Answer:
Yes, it is. Though you are allowed to see everything in your wife, you may ask her permission before entering the house when you come home suddenly, or when you return home early in the morning in order to take something you forgot, because in this case if you open the front door silently, and suddenly she finds someone (i.e. you) in front of her while she is lying in the bed, this will startle her. Therefore, informing her of coming home saves her from being startled. This instruction is not related to causes of mischief, but it has to do with the husband's courtesy, so that his wife will not startle.
