Question:I am an American Muslim, 51 years old and have a few questions.
The last two years have been very hard for me, my marriage and my health. My marriage is a disaster and there’s nothing that can be done to save it. No matter how much I try, what I say, what I do, it is no use. I’m not a perfect man. And, as soon as I make a “mistake” in my wife’s eyes, everything that I’ve ever done wrong in 20 years comes from the past to the present and it is a big problem. I cannot do anything about this and sadly I know which direction my marriage is going….to divorce. I honestly wish there was some miracle that could fix it, but there’s no hope of that.For the last year, I’ve had too many health problems, multiple surgeries and just trying to heal. During this past year, I’ve thought too much about my future and what I need to do. I guess if I could go back in time, I would go back to school and become an Imam. However, I’m too old for that now. I do have some questions about Islam.
Whether a person is 15, 40, or 50 years old, how may one ask forgiveness of Allah, and do things to ensure paradise?
I feel I’ve done some bad things in the past…and they haunt me. These things make me scared that I will go to hell. For example:
I’ve lied to my wife a couple of times. Nothing “big”, but in her eyes, it’s always big. I’ve always been faithful to her, but she has emotionally shut me out and we are beyond the end. I can ask for forgiveness from her, but I know she won’t grant it.
I have an upcoming surgery in one month and hope to be fully healed within 3 months of that. What do you suggest I do to get myself back on the path to Allah and back to the path of paradise?
I think that, after my healing, I will make the Hajj. I believe this will be my only salvation. Perform the Hajj and be completely forgiven and start with a new beginning. What is your recommendation.
Thank you so much,