Islamic Topics- Miscellaneous Topics- Lesson (033): Mistakes Which Most Women make 3



 Violating  the Divine Method is the cause of our problems:

   Dear brother, since Shari'ah (the Islamic law) is from the Almighty Allah,  refraining from following it causes  innumerous serious  problems. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said:




((No man is alone with a non-mahram woman but the Shaytaan is the third one present.))


[At-Tirmizi, by Ibn Umar]


 If you do statistics of all Zina (fornication) cases in a society, you will be shocked when you find out that 90 percent of the men and women  who committed this horrible sin had never thought of committing it, but the Khalwah (it happens when a man and woman are together in privacy) led to Zina. Hence, when we believe that the words of the Prophet, peace be upon him,  is the truth from the Almighty Allah, and that the One Who has sent down to us this Tashree' is  Allah the All-Aware of the selves, we will carry out Allah's orders to the letter.


 I am not  exaggerating, dear brother, when I tell you that every week I am informed about many problems, each one of which is the result of a clear violation of the Divine Method. In other words, whoever commits a violation neglects what the Prophet, peace be upon him, forbade us from doing. He falls into such a sin (Zina)  although both he and the woman who commits this sin with him do not intend to sin. The sinner gets disturbed psychologically speaking to such an extent that he may commit suicide because of the sin he commits, but why does such a person exceed the limits in the first place? He exceeds the limits,  because he does not  follow the Prophetic guidance.


 Dear brother, accustom yourselves to the fact that whatever  problem occurs is due to a violation you commit of the Divine Method. Thus, if  we act upon Allah's Orders  and apply the Prophetic Sunnah, we will avoid having  problems. In this humble Masjid and during the 25 years of my Da'wah (calling to Allah), I was told about hundreds yet tens of hundreds of cases  about the destructions of many families because of violating the Divine Method:



((The Prophet, peace be upon him, said: "Beware of entering into the company of women" A man from among the Ansaar said, "What about the husband's brother and relatives, O Messenger of Allaah?" He said, "The husband's brother and relatives are  death (The husband's brother and relatives are the most dangerous)."))


[Agreed upon, by Uqbah Ibn Amer]


 Ikhtilat (Mingling between men and women) and exposing  'Awraat (the parts of the body, for both men and women, which must be covered with clothing) are the main causes of the problems which occur  in households. Man should be keen on avoiding such problems, and I think you know which kind of problems I mean, so I won't go into details.


 The  problem which  destroys a family is the result of violating the Divine Method. A brother who attends this Masjid said to me once, "I committed a deadly  mistake to my wife". His wife wanted to buy something and unintentionally she said to the seller, "You should give us a discount since we are your neighbor. Why your heart is harsh on us?


 Allah says:



﴾then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery, etc.) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner.﴿


[Al-Ahzab, 32]


 The seller misunderstood her, and so he asked her where she lived and she told him. A while later, he knocked at the door, and upon opening it,  he entered into the house.  Though the wife didn't mean for that to happen,  she softly talked to the seller who  turned out to be someone in whose heart was a disease, and he was moved by her words. She was fully dressed when he broke in the house, so she sought help from her children by asking them to go to their father and to say to him, that a man was in the house. The husband's store was near  to the house, and when his son  told him what happened, the husband was outrageous, so he locked the house's front door and brought the police. What happened was scandalized, and so the husband divorced his wife and destroyed his children. All of this happened because she said, "Why your heart is harsh on us? You should give me  a discount since we are your neighbor". What she said  is but ignorance, isn't it?


 A person told me that he found out that his wife is cheating on him with his neighbor, but how was she introduced to that neighbor? One evening the husband was sitting with him and he said to his wife, "Come and sit with us;  he is like your brother!"


 I repeat again: Whatever  devastating problem that destroys the household is but a result of violating the Divine Method.

 Uncertainty leads to disputes:

   Whoever is patient, good at analyzing matters and  has a scientific comprehension and a realistic perception can think deeply of the causes of every problem occurs. Let me tell you this old story: A man liked some furniture of a bed room at his neighbor's store who was a carpenter, so he said to him, "I want this room", and his neighbor said, "Okay,  I will deliver it to your house." The man gave the carpenter 10 thousand lira, and after a while he gave him 10 thousand lira too. He kept giving him money till he realized that he already gave him too much, and upon asking him about its price, he found out that its price was half of  the amount he had already given to him!! Why didn't he ask about the price from the very beginning? It was reported in Fiqh:



 ((Uncertainty leads to disputes.))


 There are 200 million commercial problems and 90 percent of these problems are due to unclear agreement (between the two parties). For instance,  someone says to another, "How much does  this cost me?" The other man  answers, "No problem as long as  there is no difference between my money and yours." However, after a while they fight. A merchant  may  ask his friend, "When will the commodities arrive?", and the other will say to him, "It depends on  the conditions". All these unclear  phrases cause  problems.  Therefore, if you  want to avoid going to  the court  losing your money, quarreling  with people and  having a good night sleep, be clear in your dealing with people.


 A man was  surprised over hearing people talking about his wife- we seek refuge with Allah from that- who is a pure innocent woman. The whole story was that he asked his brother in law, before he left  the town, to look after his sister, but the neighbors did not know that  man was her brother, so they thought  that while their neighbor was  away on a travel, a strange man visited  his wife for an hour. In fact they had all the right to think ill of the situation. Whenever I am told  about a serious problem, I am eager to know the reason behind it, and most of the time the reason turns out to be a religious violation.


 I met once the Director General of Prisons,  and he gave me  a book he wrote.  He talked about 63 crimes in that book, and the best part of it  is that at the end of every crime he wrote, "The religious violation causes this crime." Some  of those violations which are committed by women are  wearing too much make up or going out of their houses alone. One of these crimes  is about a young wife, who used to stand in  the balcony wearing  a sleeping gown, without noticing that there were strange men around. One of them broke into her house and raped her. As a result, her husband  divorced  the very next day. Her ignorance caused her divorce. She appeared  in the balcony wearing indecent clothes, and a man who was controlled by his lust saw her and became blind by that lust.   He broke into her house, committed a crime and caused her divorce. I  read that  book in one night, and what caught my attention is that behind every crime there was  a clear violation of  the Divine Method.


  Let me have your attention to  one of these crimes: While a woman was wondering around in pain holding her sick baby, another woman saw her and said, "I am a doctor, what is the matter?" The mother told her that her child was sick,  and that  woman said, "Your son might have meningitis or asthma". Then she said to her, "Come with me", and  she took her in a car to a private hospital claiming to be a doctor in it. In that hospital, she asked her to buy a medication she prescribed  for her. The mother did that, but when she came back, her son and the woman had gone!! This baby was sold in Lebanon for 10 thousand lira, and that woman committed such a crime  twice or thrice before she was apprehended and now she is in Adra prison.


  Beware, dear brother, as there are different  crimes committed  in this country causing many tragedies. Whenever I read about a crime, I found satanic  situations which led to it, so be careful.  The believer should be prudent, cautious and clever. What I have mentioned so far is an introduction to the fact that whatever problem occurs in a society, destroys the family and breaks the heart is the result of a violation of  Allah's Order or  the Prophetic Sunnah.

 Mistakes  which most women make:


1- Wearing perfume when going out:


 Abu Musa narrated: The Prophet, peace be upon him, said:



((Whenever a woman wears a scent-perfume- then left her home whilst people smelling her scent she is an adulteress.))


[Al-Hakem, by Abi Musa]


 How many women go out in the street wearing heavy  fragrance?

The Noble Prophet, peace be upon him, said:



((Whenever a woman wears a scent-perfume- then left her home whilst people smelling her scent she is an adulteress.))


[Al-Hakem, by Abi Musa]


 This is a grave mistake  which Muslim women make.

 2- Being alone with a stranger driver:

How many crimes took place  in this country because a woman took a taxi alone during an improper time of the day? Tens of crimes of that kind take place annually. A taxi driver might drive fast with a young woman customer, taking her to an isolated place. This is a big problem. Hence, women shouldn't be alone with a taxi driver talking to him as if he were  one of her Maharem (male relatives whom a woman can't marry). Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, said: The Prophet, peace be upon him, said:




((It is not permissible for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to make a journey of one day and night unless she is accompanied by a Mahram (husband or any other relative to whom she is prohibited to marry).))


[Agreed upon, by Abi Hurairah]


 Another mistake which a Muslim woman commit sometimes is  taking  off her clothes in the wrong place. Someone may watch her and take a photo of her in order to  threaten her with it and blackmail her till she become his victim. By Allah, a lot of women are divorced because of such mistakes.


 A man bought a video camera-blessed is the man who applies the Sunnah and is not tempted by  Bed'ah [innovation]), and once he used it  to tape himself and his wife in bed. Although their sexual intercourse is a lawful one, that  tape turned into a disgrace for both of them when it  was seen by sh3er. As days passed, that  man hired one or two movie videos and he returned them back putting his private tape by mistake instead of one of them. The owner of the video store found that  tape instead of his movie video, and he watched it. He found it suitable for renting, so he started renting it to his customers till that  tape reached the husband's brother, and the married couple suffered from the scandal. Thus, the husband had to sell his house and move to Homs. This is a serious  problem. Let me repeat what I've just said: Blessed is the man who applies  Sunnah and is not tempted  by Bed'ah [innovation]. The believer is in the safe side and he is fortified and protected; he can always hold his head up high as long as  he applies the Sunnah. By applying Sunnah the believer will not be blamed, will not be threatened, will not be blackmailed and will not be scandalized as he has no shameful photos  to be revealed publicly.


 By Allah, I was in Umrah two years ago, and in the hotel I checked in there was a short story with a note on it  saying, "Read it and return it back tomorrow". I took it, read it and was moved by it. It was  about an Egyptian girl from a noble  Islamic family, and her father was  a teacher.  Once she answered an improper phone call, and she hanged up the phone and was very upset. The man called again twice and thrice, then he waited for her in front of her house, and on her way to school he chased her saying  sweet words. It seemed that he was  an expert in seducing girls,  and though he put up with her rejection,  he insisted till she accepted to talk to him. Later on, he convinced her to go with him to a house in which he had fulfilled  his desire with her,  and he took indecent photos of her which he started to rent to people. When the photos reached her parents, she ran from her family's house and in a moment of  grudge she murdered him, and now she is serving her time in Cairo prison. Her story which- as the poet said- started with a look, a smile, a greeting and then a meeting, was written.


 I hope that parents raise the awareness of their daughters to such problems. I seek refuge with Allah from  such  problems to occur in a household of a believer, Awareness is very essential, so the believer should pay attention to his daughters, should teach them about the reality of men amongst whom there are monsters and wolves.  A woman might be deceived by a word or by a look, so be careful. Your house might need a curtain in front of the balcony, so put it in order  to protect your household.  I hope that every person looks after his daughters and sons to have a good night sleep.

 3- Going out of her house frequently::

  Going out of the house and shopping most of the time is not appropriate for a Muslim woman. Allah says:




﴾And stay in your houses, and do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance﴿


 [Al-Ahzab, 33]


The normal place for a woman is her house, so the woman who keeps going out; in the street, in the markets or visiting her friends does not please v the Almighty Allah, because Allah says:




﴾And stay in your houses, and do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance﴿


[Al-Ahzab, 33]


 Some might say that this Ayah  addresses  the Prophet's wives, but we say to those people  that  since the Prophet's wives were ordered to stay at home, Muslim women are more likely to stay at home. When you ask  a hardworking  student for one time to study, that entails  asking the lazy student for thousands of time to study.

 4- Mingling with strange men (non-Maharem):

One of the mistakes  which are considered a violation of  Shari'ah is Ikhtilat with male relatives who are not amongst women's Maharem, whether they are the wife's relatives  or the husband's. Joking with them, shaking hands with them, showing women's  beauty to them and revealing 'Awraat in front of them occur in such Ikhtilat:




((In the authenticated Sunnah, the Prophet, peace be upon him, said: "Beware of entering into the company of women" A man from among the Ansaar said, "What about the husband's brother and relatives, O Messenger of Allaah?" He said, "The husband's brother and relatives are  death (The husband's brother and relatives are  the most dangerous)."))


[Agreed upon by, Uqbah Ibn Amer]


 In some cases one of those relatives talks to this woman and she talks back to him, he smiles at her and she smiles back and he  jokes with her and she jokes back with him. Such talking and  Ikhtilat go on until  the disaster occurs.

 5- Going to a non-Muslim doctor for treatment:

   The woman should go to a Muslim pious doctor who lowers his gaze, because some doctors do not care about  religious limitations. Not to mention, that  there are women who are not dressed decently in front of the doctor. In such a situation there is  a Khalwah. This Khalwah is manifested, in particular, when a young dentist treats the teeth of a young woman who is  is in her full beauty, and there is a very short distance between her and the dentist. Being in such a situation is one of the reasons behind the deviation of Muslim women.

 6- Travelling without Muhram:

Travelling without Muhram whether by car or plane is one of the mistakes a Muslim woman makes.  The Prophet, peace be upon him, said:




((A woman should not travel for more than three days except with a Dhi-Mahram (i.e. a male with whom she cannot marry at all, e.g. her brother, father, grandfather, etc.) or her own husband).))


[Muslim, by Ibn Umar]


 I read once the story of someone  who lives in one of the Gulf countries but originally he is from Egypt. He went back to Egypt and got engaged to a woman, signed the marriage contract and travelled back to Al-Khaleej (Gulf area). The bride prepared everything for the wedding and  bought all her needs, and when she was ready, he telexed her the day and time when he would  be waiting for her. He asked her to come alone, so she sent him back telling him about the day of her flight and the exact hour of her arrival at  Abu Dhabi airport. Unexpectedly,  her telex was received at  the office of the manager where an employee read it, and he decided to wait for her at the airport. He did that claiming that her husband sent him to welcome her, because he  was very busy, so he took her to somewhere  and did horrible things to her. All of that happened because she travelled alone, and traveling unto itself is Khalwah.


 Based on  the cases I have been told about during my Da'wah, I assure you that violating each  Prophetic prohibition caused about four or five horrible results.  The Prophet, peace be upon him, said:



((A woman should not travel for more than three days except with a Dhi-Mahram (i.e. a male with whom she cannot marry at all, e.g. her brother, father, grandfather, etc.) or her own husband).))


 [Muslim, by Ibn Umar]


 7- Neglecting  lowering  the gaze:

Neglecting  lowering the gaze is one of the causes of  corruption. Like men, women are ordered to lower their gaze.  Allah says:




﴾Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do* And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.)﴿


 [An-Nur, 30-31]


 8- Dressing indecently among women:

This topic is worth mentioning since some  people are oblivious to  the fact that there is an 'Awrah (the part of the body which must be covered, and the plural is 'Awraat) of a woman which she should cover before  another woman. Some ignorant women assume that there is nothing wrong with exposing themselves before one another as they are all females, which is definitely a wrong thought. Actually, there is an 'Awrah of a woman in front of another woman, and when this 'Awrah is exposed  before other  women, it causes  sexual deviation, which unfortunately  does exist because of that.



 This issue may  be overlooked by most of the families. In some cases a Muslim woman may  meet with a Fasiqah heedless woman who is deviated from the Divine Method, and  what happens next? The heedless woman will describe the Muslim woman (she saw) to men in such a manner as if they were looking at her. Therefore, uncovering 'Awraat before non-religious Fasiqah women is a serious problem. Ibn Mas'ood, may Allah be pleased with him, said: The Prophet, peace be upon him, said:



((No woman should touch another woman's body and then describe the details of her figure to her husband in such a manner as if he was looking at her.))


[Agreed upon, by Ibn Mas'ood]


 This is considered another violation of  Shari'ah.

 9- Being soft in speech  with strange men:

Being soft in speech with strange men, especially on the phone is Haram, and it leads to endless problems. Man  knows the right and the  wrong thing through the Quran.  Allah says:




﴾Then there came to him one of the two women, walking shyly. She said: "Verily, my father calls you that he may reward you for having watered (our flocks) for us." So when he came to him and narrated the story, he said: "Fear you not. You have escaped from the people who are Zalimun (polytheists, disbelievers, and wrong-doers)."﴿


[Al-Qasas, 25]


 All she said is "My father calls you that he may reward you for having watered for us".  Her words are  concise and right to the point, so they  need no answer. Pay attention to the words of our Master Musa, peace be upon him.  He said, "What is the matter with you?" He didn't say, "Is there any problem? How can I help you?" He didn't went on and on in his conversation with them. Thus, you should choose the wise, serious and right to the point words when you talk to a strange woman, and the same goes for women. The soft speech, like the chats between male and female employees which gradually becomes about  handling  weird topics through which the secrets of the households are revealed, is forbidden.

 10- Mourning the loss of other than her husband for more than three days:

Some women mourn the death of people other than their husbands for a year or six months!! Urwah narrated that Aishah said: the Prophet, peace be upon him, said:




((It is not legal for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn for more than three days for any dead person except her husband, (for whom she should mourn) for four months and ten days.))


[Ahmad, by Aishah]


 Sometimes, when a woman's brother or father dies, she dresses in black for an entire year, which is  one of the violations of Shari'ah. The woman shouldn't mourn the loss of  a person other than her husband for more than three days. Regarding mourning the loss of the husband, it has  a special ruling.

 The woman should not deviate from the Method of Islam:

   Dear brother, the solution lies in  controlling the Muslims' households according to the Islamic teachings. Only then one can have a good night sleep. The Almighty Allah says:




﴾And those who say: "Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqun (pious)."﴿


 [Al-Furqan, 74]


The serious problem is that Islam has turned into mere rituals. Islam used to be an upright method, but  now it becomes no more than  fasting, Salah and Hajj as the Muslims' households are deviated, and there are Ikhtilat, sweet words for the improper people (non-Maharam), exchanging looks at the forbidden things, backbiting, gossiping, indecently dressing and turning away from Islam to a frightening and scary point.



 I gave  five lectures about 'Awraat in Islam, which is an important topic. Every household should be aware of the  rulings on 'Awraat and should abide by them, lest  problems occur. You should know that whatever problem whether it is a sexual deviation, corruption or perversion is but the result of revealing 'Awraat and going to the extreme concerning them.


 As for the  Muslim woman, she is proud of her Islam, not of fads, fashion and meaningless prestige. Also,  all she cares about is to be a perfect wife to  her husband and a perfect mother to her children. What is she supposed to do? She is supposed to adorn and beautify herself  only for her husband since he is the only man who has the right  to see that from her. Unfortunately,  the husband sees from her only what hurts his eye, while she shows her beauty to strangers of men and women. I repeat again: The husband sees from his wife what hurts his eye (which is  a mistake Muslim women commit). These pieces of advice and words to the wise should be clear to all households.

 11- Having  a job which leads to a sin:

   The job which leads to a sin is Haram. The job where there is Ikhtilat,  there is revealing 'Awraat, there are unpleasant things to Allah the Exalted, there is Khalawh  with the manager and there are  other things which contradict Shari'ah is the reason behind mischief on earth.

 The essence of happiness is  connecting with the Almighty Allah:

  I have mentioned in this lecture all the mistakes  which a woman may make. However, keep in mind that:



((Everyone of you is a guardian, and responsible for what is in his custody... a husband is a guardian of his family and is responsible for it…))


 If the man gives cold shoulder to the mistakes which are made  in his household, he will pay a huge price later on.


 Praise be to  Allah the Almighty Who bestows upon us  an upright Divine Method. In fact, when one of us travels to a far country, he will be chocked  by what he sees  there; their problems are endless, there is corruption and debauchery is committed  in public. All of that are results of heedlessness. I  mentioned in a previous lecture 18 Sahih Hadith which encourage people to live in Sham (the Levant), but the scariest of them all is the one which is reported in Al-Bukhari's book:



((When the inhabitants of Ash-Sham become corrupt, then there is no good in it for you))


[Ahmad, by Mu'awiyah bin Qurrah from his father]


 It means that among all the places on earth this good city is the last one  to be corrupted. If this happens,  there will be a serious  problem.  I hope that this Hadith will not come true or turn into reality.


 A man told me once, "I traveled to France by  a scholarship, and I wanted  to practice the French language, so I started talking to people in the street. Once I saw a stressed young man and I asked him, "What are you stressed about?" He answered, "I am thinking of killing my father!" Then I asked  him, "What for?" He answered, "He took the girl I am in love with from me". This is the level of the father-son relation in western countries. Let me give you a typical image  of the western society. It is about an American guy who wanted to get married. He fell in love with a girl but his father told him, "O son, you cannot marry this girl, because she is your sister, and your mother does not know that." He fell in love once again with another girl, but his father told him the same thing. He fell in love for the third time with another girl, but his father told him that she was also his sister. The young man was disappointed, so he told his mother about the whole thing. She said, "You can marry the girl you fall in love with, because you are not his son and he does not know that." This is the Kufar's lifestyle.


 A person once asked for my advice saying, "What do you think if I want to live  in the United States?" I said to him, "If you get a glass of water and drink it,  is there anything wrong with what you do?" He said, "No", I said, "Will anyone criticize you for drinking water?" He answered, "No". Then I said to him, "By Allah the only God, Zina (fornication) over there is easier than drinking a glass of water." I swore by Allah telling him that I was pretty sure of what I was talking about. What made me sure was the story I heard  in my last visit to the United States. It was about a person of the Islamic community who  got married to an American woman. One day,  she said to him, "I have a date", so he wondered, "With whom?"To which she answered, "With my boyfriend". He said, "But I am your husband", and  she answered, "So what". She went and left him alone in the house, and the next day she was with another boyfriend and the third day as well, and she dedicated only  the fourth day  to him. Thus, he divorced her. He told me this story personally, and he said, "After that I got married to a Muslim woman and I said to her, "May Allah protect you, because you are for me entirely". Ibn Al-Munther narrated that Jarir Ibn Abdullah Al-Bajali said that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said:



((Whoever mingles with the Mushrikeen (polytheists) will be breaching the covenant.))


[Ibn Al-Munther, by Jarir Ibn Abdullah Al-Bajali]


 He will be breaching the covenant,  because he  subconsciously adopts  their manners. Upon living with them for two or three years, you will be convinced with their points of view and with their lifestyle. Also, you will value their principles and  forget all about your nation and religion. Not to mention that the unacceptable things will become acceptable to you. Will a minister in any Islamic country stays in his position if he stated that he is gay? Absolutely, he will not. However, in the United Kingdom Secretary of State for Health stated in public in a press conference that he was gay. The English princess (Dayana), who died in a car accident, held a press conference once which was broadcasted in 11 channels, and in which she stated that on such a day in such a time and a place she slept with such a person in a stable, and that she slept with another person on another occasion. Nevertheless,  7 million people attended her funeral and lots of misters cried over her death. On the other hand, when 35 Bosnian Muslim girls were raped, no one cried over their dilemma. The entire world cried over the death of this crazy princess. This is the cruelty of the western society and the moral deviation  they live in:



((It shall reach a point when you will all be joining [opposite] armies: one army in Shaam, one in Yemen, one in 'Iraq. Abdullah ibn Hawaalah said, "Choose for me Oh Rasulullah!" He said, "You must join Shaam, for Allah has given me a guarantee concerning Shaam and its people.))


[Al-Bazzaz, by Abi Ad-Darda']



((The pavilion of the Muslims on the day of the battle will be in Ghouta near a city called Damascus, the best city in Sham.))


[Abu Dawood, by Abi Ad-Darda']



((As I was sleeping I saw the Column of the Book being carried away from under my head. I feared lest it would be taken away, so I followed it with my eyes and saw that it was being planted in Ash-Shaam.))


[Al-Hakem, by Abdullah Ibn Amr Ibn Al-'As]


 Hence, stick to Ash-Sham in the end of days, and when the inhabitants of Ash-Sham become corrupt, then there is no good among you.


 Dear brother, by Allah, I am so keen on seeing your households full of  happiness. I would like to tell you that the Islamic household is full of happiness even though it might be poor, the property of someone else (he rents it), its furniture is  simple and the income of the lessee might be little, because the essence  of happiness is the connection with the Almighty Allah. Accordingly, Allah grants the believing, pure and upright spouses security and happiness which none in the worldly life can have.